Judgement Free Zone

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At my gym on the walls in tall vinyl letters are the words “Judgement Free Zone.”

I often feel like I should get to the gym more often. When I do get there, I read the message and think to myself “I’m here, that’s a good thing.”

True also in recovery. I’ve been in a number of different programs. Some have transactional measurements of success. Days sober, which step I am working on, how many people I’ve reached out to that week.

Others accept me as I am and where I am. The focus is on feeling God’s love. Feeling whole. Feeling accepted.

It is an interesting line to cross. Where is honesty, vulnerability, and following through vs enabling, dismissing, and dishonesty?

But that is very A vs. B thinking. It is limiting and doesn’t take into account a third option.

Option C is love.

Christ ALWAYS takes us where we are RIGHT NOW. That doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences. But it does mean there is ALWAYS love and acceptance.

And the love and acceptance doesn’t have to be earned. It just is. From the God with the “I AM” title, His Love is simple.

And He is full of Grace and Truth.

I’ve made it a mission the past few years to surround myself with people, places and things which accept me where I am today - but also encourage me to keep moving forward. I’ve found a lot more peace in acceptance and love and I am propelled forward to want to do more, give more, love more, and be more accepting and full of grace.

Whenever I feel out of sorts, I do an analysis. Am I in a judgment free zone? If not, what is my part? Am I allowing shame to define who I am? What can I do to change things? And then I take action.

What’s Next?

  • Examine where you are and what you can change.

  • Where are you feeling judgmental? Pray for grace. Pray to see the other person as God sees them. Pray for them each day. Your prayer may initially be “God, I don’t like this person, but I know You love me and You love everyone. Today I surrender my lack of love towards them.” Eventually your heart will change. For me, one surrender took a really long time. But it came.

  • Examine how you can provide a more loving and accepting relationship with others.

God loves you.

By Pete, Writing Team

Rebound!

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I like to play around with metaphors for my recovery journey. Sometimes it feels like a full-blown war, complete with losses, wounds and victories. But a party metaphor is solid too: In recovery, I'm having a great time with God, family, and my brotherhood - my squad! That is, until slip-ups happen. Those party crashers can bring despair and heavy consequences so I've got a playbook for dealing with them. It's not a silver bullet, but it packs a punch. It's my Sobriety Plan's bud - my Rebound Plan.

Good News
This plan includes good news and good advice and the good news stays front and center because discouragement is a slip-up’s partner in crime. So there I am after a slip-up, feeling like I've wandered down the block from my recovery bash. I’m out on the street. But I can hear the party still alive and kickin’ and I’m not banned - in fact I'm still on the VIP list! This stumble just adds an epic twist to my saga.

And even when the stumbles pile up and the consequences weigh me down, it's all good. Why? Because I'm not in charge here. That's my BFF (best father forever) - God, and guess what? He's out here on the street hanging right by my side, ready to head back together. And He's not solo: my squad is here for me as well. I’m like a son who’s taken a tumble while learning to toddle; Dad isn’t frowning, not now, not ever. I’m still worthy of His unconditional love, and with Him, I am enough.

Hope
The good advice is next up. First off, it's time for a heart-to-heart with the Big Guy: "God, I surrender all of this to You. Guide me back." And there's this spark of curiosity: how's He gonna work His magic? Now, I square my shoulders, lock eyes with my setback and my other storms, and declare, “I'm not who you say I am - I'm Ty! And my God is bigger than you all.”

Grace
Following that, I activate a personal boundary: no beating myself up. Shame isn’t on the guest list. Instead, I mentally step out of the situation and see it with compassion. Grace becomes my ticket back. I dive into inspiring things like praise music and 'The Inheritance' and throw my arms around my squad.

Light
Only darkness can kill the party so now I tackle the tough task of spilling the beans to those who matter. The lie stings worse than the stumble so I get right to this - it’s time to let the light in. Fear and haze often dominate here so If I need a pro's advice, I’m prepared to get it. I've got my empathy switch on high for the pain I've caused, and I'm all in to assist. And now my chains are loose if not gone and I'm pumped for the rest of my plan!

Growth
After that, I'm in full-on reflection mode: I ponder my slip-up and make notes. Then, I give myself a thumbs-up for growth.

Heart
Last but not least, I embrace the things that set my heart on fire – adventure, nature, music, or all of the above. Remember those epic movie comebacks? This is mine! I'm not just rebounding; I'm back to my recovery party with my BFF!

What's next?

  • Have some fun creating your own personal rebound plan if you don’t have one.

  • Party with a squad that includes the good-father-God. He's the life of the party!

  • For a turbo boost, extend a helping hand to one of your squad mates.

  • Keep pros on speed dial for those times your rebound plan doesn’t quite get you back to your recovery party.

By Ty, Writing Team

The Truth Shall Set You Free

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Many people in recovery track their sobriety date. For me, I track the day I decided to finally live a life of honesty. That day was February 26, 2019. I want to share with you why I do this.

Since entering recovery from my lifelong battle with lust addiction 4 years ago I have grown to love and appreciate the importance of honesty. I’m grateful for the critical role it’s played in my own journey of recovery. Unfortunately, honesty was not always such a priority in my life.

Through the years of my struggle with addiction I became a very good liar. It became so second nature that I would lie even when I didn’t need to. I lied to protect my secret at all costs even if it meant lying to those closest to me. Satan, the master of lies, convinced me that if I told anyone about my struggle I would be hated and lose everything important in my life such as my marriage and family. Leading up to everything finally coming out, I remember having a strong impression that if I could just be honest, I could get some help and be able to change, but as long as I continued lying, I would be on my own, unable to stop.

When I finally told the truth about everything I remember that the feeling of freedom that rushed over me felt so real. I could literally feel Satan’s grasp on me significantly weakened. It felt like the chains I had been carrying were gone. This experience had such a profound impact on me that I vowed from that time forward that I would always strive to be honest in every part of my life.

Every time I’ve had a slip or setback in my recovery I’ve been filled with guilt and shame, just like I used to feel prior to entering recovery. I’ve realized that part of my dishonesty was also me hiding my insecurities and struggles. Honesty has been my saving grace every time. As soon as I am honest with myself and others, including my sponsor and wife, I feel God’s grace again in my life.

The ironic thing is that my wife told me that it was all the lying that hurt her the most, more than knowing about my acting out.

I have realized that rather than focusing on my consecutive days of sobriety, I really just need to be honest. Nobody, including God, can do much for me when I’m not honest about what’s really going on with me. When I am honest, Satan has less influence on me, and I am better able to fight my addiction.

What next?

  • Consider your commitment to honesty. How honest are you?

  • How could improvement in your personal honesty move you forward in your path of recovery?

By Seth, Writing Team