Lies about Brotherhood

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The most painful part of my story is a return to bondage after a delightful taste of freedom. Lies about brotherhood are largely to blame.

The darkness of a clouded desert night is gripping. The eyes of a lion’s wounded prey are full of desperate fear. A lost sailor feels a profound loneliness. That’s how the early decades of my life often felt as I struggled with pornography. I was held captive in a kind of hell by a series of lies.

The Lies

The great liar told me that I couldn’t reach out for help; that it wasn't safe outside of my hell. He told me God was ashamed of me and that I didn't have what it takes; that I'd fail and be a disappointment.

In earlier posts, others describe these lies. Nicole wrote, "The adversary wants us to isolate ourselves from others, to feel unique and unable to relate to others." 

Seth shared, "For too long I had listened to Satan’s voice in my head telling me the lie that if people knew the real me they wouldn’t like me and I’d be rejected."

The Truth

When I finally let God tell me the truth, it sounded like this, “I’ve got you! You’re enough, it’s safe outside your hell and the door is open.” Walking through the door required vulnerability and honesty, but God makes a way and what I found on the other side was light, truth, and Jesus in many forms including the open arms of brotherhood!

Soon after walking through that door, I arrived late to a 12-Step Recovery Meeting, looked around and recognized someone from my church congregation. The lies came back and I felt ashamed and wanted to run. But I stayed and when his turn came to share he looked at me and said something like, “...and I’m honored to be here tonight with a friend.” No judgment. Just love and acceptance.

Also in earlier posts, my fellow writers describe the truth. Pete wrote, "… I started to find guys who were willing to battle for my heart and I was willing to battle for theirs."

Chris shared, "Many [people] know my story and they still love me… Imagine that!" 

Nicole wrote, "I shared things I never thought I would share with a friend or at least if I did, our friendship would not have continued.  Yet, the complete opposite happened." 

Seth said it this way, "I got the courage to open up with another man at the camp and shared with him my struggles with addiction and self-worth. Instead of rejecting me and shaming me he accepted me."

The Liar Strikes Back

Not too long after I walked through the door, I was enjoying freedom like the escaped prey of a lion, like a rescued sailor, like the light of the sun after a long night. I was in Jesus’ arms and had a fantastic band of brothers. Then came the lies that cost me that freedom, “You can move along now. You’re done. You’re strong enough to go it alone.” Drunk on pride, I walked away. Alone again, I eventually started isolating and let even Jesus fade. Pornography and my hell slipped back into my life.

But God rescued me yet again. That same man from my church congregation reached out and invited me to Warrior Heart Boot Camp. Now I'm back with my fellow warriors - my new band of brothers! 

This time I recognize brotherhood as more than a temporary helping hand. It’s the part of my life that the lies were keeping me from. It’s the people Jesus manifests himself though. I won’t walk away again.

What’s next?

  • Read the "What's next" sections of the previous 5 posts and join us!

    "[We] need you as much as you need [us]." (Chris)

By Ty, Writing Team