EP 164: Matthew & Joanna's Story

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Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith are clinicians, speakers, and authors of the book Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time. They have over 20 years of combined experience in counseling, coaching, and guiding couples toward healing and transformation. Their mission is to help couples navigate the complexities of relational challenges, particularly in the aftermath of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, fostering deep restoration and growth.
Sam and Chris interview Matthew and Joanna about their 12-year journey from personal crisis to professional careers helping couples recover from addiction and betrayal. The couple recounts their early struggles, how addiction and infidelity impacted their marriage, and the pivotal moments that set them on a path to recovery. They discuss the development of their intimacy framework, 'The Intimacy Pyramid,' which guides couples from honesty to a deeply connected relationship. The dialogue underscores the role of faith, the importance of mutual honesty and trust, and the hard work necessary for relational healing.

*To connect with Matthew & Joanna, visit raabsmithteam.com

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:03 Meet Matthew and Joanna
01:20 The Journey of Recovery
02:14 Early Marriage Struggles
04:28 The Turning Point
06:12 Confession and Recovery
07:25 Faith and Ministry Challenges
16:04 Building Honesty and Safety
21:59 Building Trust in Relationships
22:47 The Role of Vulnerability
25:00 Achieving Intimacy
26:31 The Journey of Healing
29:20 Steps to Rebuild Trust
37:48 The Importance of Self-Regulation
39:57 Resources and Support for Couples

EP 163: Live Unashamed- Hitting Rock Bottom

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In this episode, James, Chris and Sam discuss the transformative power of hope in overcoming addiction. They share personal stories of hitting rock bottom due to pornography addiction and codependent relationships, and how these low points led to pivotal changes in their journey to recovery. Emphasis is placed on the importance of finding a hopeful vision for a better life, engaging in genuine self-reflection, and relying on supportive resources and faith. The episode encourages listeners to see their potential for change and recovery, emphasizing that transformative identity shifts are key to overcoming addiction and finding true healing.

EP 162: Ryan & Kelce's Story

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In this heartfelt episode of 'Unashamed Unafraid,' hosts Sam and James sit down with Ryan and Kelsey to discuss their deeply personal journey through pornography addiction and the trials it brought into their marriage. Ryan recounts his early exposure to pornography, the secrecy around his addiction, and the turning point that led to his decision to seek recovery. Kelsey shares her initial shock, her decision to stay, and their joint path toward healing. Together, they highlight the key tools and support systems, including church programs and therapy, that have helped them rebuild trust and create deeper intimacy. Their story is a testament to the power of vulnerability, communication, and the unyielding support they found in each other and their faith. Join us for a powerful conversation about overcoming addiction and fostering genuine connections. Don't forget to visit unashamedunafraid.com to donate, become an outsider, and follow us on social media for more inspiring stories.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:57 Meet Ryan and Kelsey
01:28 Ryan's Early Exposure to Pornography
02:04 Kelsey's Perspective and Early Marriage
02:34 Communication Challenges in Marriage
04:13 Ryan's Struggle with Addiction
13:41 The Turning Point: D-Day
17:46 The Unexpected Bombshell
18:22 Kelsey's Emotional Response
20:22 Finding Support and Guidance
21:45 The Role of Addiction Recovery Programs
24:27 Navigating Recovery Together
29:17 Tools and Skills for Managing Emotions
33:22 Final Reflections and Hope

EP 161: Live Unashamed- Negotiating with my Addiction

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Join Sam, Chris, and James as they candidly discuss the concept of 'negotiating with your addiction.' They dive into personal stories and practical strategies for maintaining strict boundaries to foster long-term recovery. Topics include recognizing subtle forms of addiction, setting and respecting personal boundaries, and the significance of building a track record of sobriety. Learn the secret to overcoming compulsive behaviors and play it through to manage addiction effectively.

EP 160: Healing from Betrayal with Dr. Heidi Hastings

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In this episode of Unashamed Unafraid, Dr. Heidi Hastings, a marriage and sex researcher with a PhD, discusses her research focused on religious women and the impact of their husband's pornography use on their sexuality and spirituality. Through her studies, which include Christian, Jewish, and Muslim women, Dr. Hastings identifies five stages of betrayal trauma: innocence, crisis, aftermath, healing, and transformation. She explains how these stages align with identity development theories and shares key insights on how betrayed women navigate these stages, the importance of female support, and how individuals can heal and transform through understanding and redefining their identity. The episode also touches on how religious leaders can better support betrayed women and provides advice for parents on empowering their daughters. Dr. Hastings emphasizes the eventual deepening of trust and relationship with Jesus Christ as a pivotal element in the healing journey.

*To connect with Heidi visit, drheidihastings.com

EP 159: Live Unashamed- Dating Unashamed

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In this episode of 'Live Unashamed,' hosts Chris, Sam, and Liam dive into the complexities of dating while struggling with addiction, especially pornography. They share personal anecdotes and strategies on when and how to disclose these struggles to potential partners. The conversation touches on why it's important to be transparent before exclusive dating, the complications of living a double life, and the necessity of seeking validation from God rather than a partner. The hosts emphasize the significance of honesty, recovery, and personal worth in navigating relationships.

EP 158: Johnny & Emily's Story

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Join us in this powerful episode where Johnny and Emily candidly share their journey through the devastating impacts of porn addiction on their marriage. From Johnny's early struggles with pornography to the heart-wrenching moments of disclosure, and finally to their inspiring recovery, they discuss how faith, honesty, and community support brought them closer to each other and to God. Tune in for an emotional and raw conversation filled with valuable insights and hope for anyone battling similar struggles.
Johnny and Emily have been married since 1987 and have 3 adult children and 5 grandchildren. After the first 31 years, Johnny’s infidelity fueled by pornography came to light and their marriage was shattered into dust. With God’s help, they both decided to stay married, and embarked on a journey of healing and restoration.

*Ways to connect with Johnny & Emily:
Podcast Beyond Broken Vows Podcast, Website beyondbrokenvows.com, Email support@beyondbrokenvows.com, Newsletter sign up - insider.beyondbrokenvows.com

EP 157: Live Unashamed- Avoiding Abusive Self Talk

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In this episode, Chris and Sam engage in a deep conversation about overcoming abusive self-talk and shame. They share personal experiences and strategies to combat feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth, emphasizing the importance of changing one's identity and finding validation through a relationship with God. They discuss the impact of shame messages from childhood and how true behavior change stems from identity change. The episode also highlights how important it is to let go of negative self-perceptions and embrace the love and support offered by God and loved ones.

EP 156: Matt & Tracy's Story

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In this heartfelt episode, Matt and Tracy share their deeply personal journey of battling and overcoming pornography addiction. From early encounters with pornography and the challenges of maintaining secrecy, Matt opens up about his struggles and the impact on his faith and marriage. Tracy provides insight into her emotional turmoil and the steps she took towards her own healing. Together, they discuss the turning points in their healing process, the role of faith, and the tools that helped them rebuild their relationship and lives. Their story is a testament to the power of love, faith, and the courage to seek help.

EP 155: Introducing Sam

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In this special episode of 'Unashamed Unafraid,' James and Steve introduce Sam as the new official host, marking a significant transition for the podcast. They discuss the reasons behind this change, dispel myths about their recovery journeys, and reflect on their experiences with the show. Sam shares his thoughts on authenticity, his personal recovery journey, and the future direction of 'Unashamed Unafraid.' 

EP 154: Liam's Story

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Join us as Liam shares his powerful journey from battling addiction to finding faith and redemption. In this heartfelt episode, Liam opens up about his early struggles with drugs, alcohol, and pornography, and how he found solace and recovery through his church. Liam discusses the pivotal moments that led him to reconnect with God, the importance of community and connection in overcoming addiction, and the invaluable guidance he received from a mentor in the recovery program. Through tears, humility, and unwavering faith, Liam's story is a testament to the power of connection, self-awareness, and spiritual growth. Don’t miss his inspiring story and learn how you, too, can find the strength to overcome life's toughest challenges.

*To connect with Liam, send him an email Liamesm94@gmail.com

EP 153: Live Unashamed- Recovery Dailies

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Chris and Sam discuss the importance of daily habits, or 'dailies,' in maintaining a grounded relationship with God and supporting recovery. Both emphasize how consistent habits like daily affirmations, prayer, and meditation can lower stress and help process emotions. They discuss the challenges and benefits of making time for these daily practices, tools like a daily affirmation book, and the importance of choosing habits that one enjoys rather than dreads. Both also share personal anecdotes and strategies they employ, encouraging listeners to find what works for them and to give themselves grace when they fall short. 

EP 152: Steven's Story Update

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In this episode of Unashamed Unafraid, James and Chris sit down with Steve, the founder of the podcast, to discuss a deeply personal update in his life: his divorce from his wife. Steve opens up about the emotional and spiritual journey that led to their separation, emphasizing the importance of honesty, accountability, and real recovery. He shares how this life change has impacted his sobriety and mental health. This candid conversation sheds light on the complexities of relationships, addiction recovery, and the role of faith in overcoming life's challenges. Join us for an eye-opening episode that underscores the importance of staying true to oneself and seeking genuine happiness.

00:00 Introduction
01:08 Steve's Personal Story and Divorce Announcement
02:26 Reflections on Sobriety and Recovery
05:38 Codependency and Personal Growth
15:53 In-House Separation and Boundary Issues
22:21 Spiritual Experiences and Realizations
28:13 Reflecting on Past Behaviors
29:07 Spiritual Awakening and Healing
30:18 Understanding and Compassion
33:14 The Apple and Orange Metaphor
34:57 Courage and Honesty in Marriage
38:49 Peaceful Divorce and Co-Parenting
43:47 Hope for the Future
48:42 Final Thoughts and Reflections

EP 151: Live Unashamed- The Void Left by Addiction

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In this episode, hosts Chris, Sam, James, and guest Josh, delve into their personal journeys of overcoming pornography addiction. They emphasize the importance of identifying underlying emotional issues and finding healthier coping mechanisms. The discussion highlights how addiction often masks deeper emotional needs, such as connection and intimacy. They each share their strategies for filling the void left by addiction through meaningful relationships, spiritual growth, and community support. The conversation focuses on the role of accountability, vulnerability, and trusting in God to facilitate lasting recovery.

EP 150: Hunter & Sarah's Story

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In this episode, hosts engage with Hunter and Sarah who share their journey of overcoming pornography addiction. Hunter describes getting hooked on pornography at a young age, his struggles throughout his mission, and how his addiction persisted into his marriage. The couple details the challenges they faced and the turning point when Hunter began to open up about his addiction, leading to significant relief and progress. Hunter discusses the importance of removing shame, healing past traumas, and viewing pornography neutrally to aid recovery. Sarah shares her feelings of inadequacy and how she learned to detach from Hunter's addiction, emphasizing self-love and acceptance.

*You can connect with Hunter and Sarah here: instagram.com/_hunter.clark 

EP 149: Live Unashamed- How to Find the Right Therapist

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James, Sam, Ella, and Chris discuss their experiences and challenges with finding effective therapy, particularly in relation to overcoming pornography addiction and shame. They emphasize the importance of finding a therapist who resonates with the client, addresses issues of shame, and creates a clear plan for healing. The conversation touches on personal anecdotes, the importance of moving beyond long-term, ineffective therapy, and explores different therapeutic modalities. 

EP 148: Matt & Katie's Story

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This episode features Katie and Matt and the challenges they have faced due to Matt's struggle with pornography addiction. Katie describes her role in the recovery process, initially trying to control Matt's recovery before realizing she needed to focus on her own healing. Matt shares how he overcame his addiction by taking personal responsibility and how both of them involved God in their healing journey. The episode highlights  honesty, vulnerability, and the importance of individual recovery within a marriage, while also discussing their efforts to help others through similar struggles.

*You can connect with Matt and Katie here: instagram.com/thechristianbetrayalcoach, Website: thechristianbetrayalcoach.com, Email: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com 

EP 147: Live Unashamed- DIY Recovery

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In this discussion, Chris, James, Sam, and Ella gather to talk about the reality of DIY recovery. Ella's experiences as a woman struggling with sexual addiction are highlighted, prompting an exploration into whether it is possible to recover from addiction without community support. The consensus among the participants is that achieving true recovery independently is extremely challenging, if not impossible. They all share personal anecdotes emphasizing the importance of community, therapy, and support systems in their recovery journeys.

EP 146: Nick & Anja's Story

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In this episode, Sam and James engage in a heartfelt discussion with Nick and Anja about their life stories, meeting each other, and the struggles they faced, including addiction, mental health, and personal trauma. They share insights on their relationship dynamics, particularly focusing on honesty, vulnerability, and coping mechanisms. They detail Nick's journey through addiction, feelings of unworthiness, and moments of suicidal ideation, while Anja discusses her own struggles with multiple sclerosis and feelings of being unlovable. Despite their challenges, they highlight the importance of mutual support, understanding God's unconditional love, and continuous efforts toward healing. The episode also touches on the role of the podcast and community support in aiding their recovery.

EP 145: Live Unashamed- Finding Humor in Recovery

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Join James, Sam, Ella, and Chris as they explore how to find humor in the recovery process. From hilarious anecdotes and personal stories to reflections on the nature of recovery, this episode emphasizes the importance of laughter and joy even amidst serious challenges. Hear funny experiences, the value of not taking oneself too seriously, and the role humor plays in healing and overcoming addiction. Also, learn why it's essential to laugh at our mistakes and view recovery with a lighter heart. Tune in to discover why sometimes, laughter truly is the best medicine.