Get Up and Get After It

So much of my anxiety and addiction in life is directly tied to procrastination. At first, I couldn’t see it, but everyone around me could and was frustrated by it.

Now I can see it in others and it frustrates me.

Procrastination feels really good … and then doesn’t when deadlines fast approach. I think of the demotivational poster:

Tony Robbins points out that if we wait until we are in the mood to do something, we will often wait a long time and just feel more and more frustrated, anxious, and even depressed. Instead, we need to get it in our heads that we’ve already accomplished something, relishing that feeling of success as though it has already happened. What will it feel like when we accomplish __? Then get up and get to work.

I started listening to Robbins in my 20s when I didn’t have much life experience and was frustrated that I couldn’t get things done. Now I have a few additions to his advice:

Have grace for myself. Drop the perfect “definition of done.”

Think iteratively. “How am I slightly better today than yesterday?”

We’ve all heard that an airplane flying from New York to LA, if off course by 1 degree, will end up hundreds of miles off target by the time it reaches the west coast. A pilot - and/or computerized copilot - must constantly make adjustments for wind, move around other airplane traffic, and adjust speed so that they will have a gate to park at when they arrive.

It is the same with life. My definition of done also has to be adjusted. Am I in perfect recovery? No. Am I doing significantly better than 5 years ago? Very much so. My wife even pointed that out this morning, which feels good.

I do still allow myself to procrastinate because it feels good, but now I time box it: “I’m going to waste time scrolling YouTube comedian stand-up shorts for five more minutes.” I set an alarm. In full transparency, I’ll probably do it for about seven minutes. But then, when I dive back into work, I feel refreshed.

Small wins are amazing. And large wins are almost always a culmination of those small wins.

My challenge to you is to pick something, define what a 1% improvement looks like today, and get after it. Within 100 iterations (notice I didn’t say days), you will have improved by 100%.

By Pete, Writing Team

At Least I'm Awake

For a lot of my life I was spiritually asleep. I swept my shame under the rug, ignored the pangs of my conscience, and remained blind to my deepest flaws. I even decided to accept some of my worst habits, resigning myself to always be their servant. I did this because everything else in my life was good enough to get by. I didn’t want to mess any of that up, so I figured it was better to keep my spirit sedated. Because part of me knew that if I ever really did wake up, it was going to mean war.

So I had an unspoken truce with my demons. I was willing to give them leeway so long as they didn’t cause too much trouble. One day, though, I realized that that peace was only an illusion. In truth, my demons were trying to kill me regardless of any arrangement. Inch-by-inch, they were going to destroy me whether I actively fought them or not. So I could stand up and go to war, or I could continue to lay down quietly and let them smother me to death.

In times like these, war is the better option.

That’s where I am right now. Eight years ago I decided I wasn’t going to take this lying down, so I decided to blow up the status quo and just see what followed. I did this by making a disclosure and getting into recovery. And ever since then, the battles have continued without ceasing.

In some seasons the war has gone well. I’ve identified core flaws, found healing, and seen bad behaviors changed. But there have also been setbacks and retreats. Overall, I like where I am now much better than where I used to be, but I’m still not all the way to where I want to be. Most days I feel firmly in the trenches, with progress coming at a trudging slog. That is hard, exhausting, and sometimes discouraging work. But at least I’m awake and fighting now.

It’s hard, but I wouldn’t rather be doing anything else. In all these years of struggle, I have never once regretted the decision to wake up and get in the fight. In fact, I’ve realized that the worst evil you could ever wish on another is that they be just comfortable enough that they never come alive.

I hope that this message comes as an encouragement to any reader who feels that he is right there in the trenches with me. Maybe you’ve tried a thousand ways to change your behavior, and maybe it’ll take a thousand more before you find the one that actually works. Maybe when you pray the heavens seem closed off to you, or maybe you regularly feel God’s love and wonder why that hasn't already changed you. Maybe you’ve already had victories in some areas and wish you could also have them in others, or maybe you’re still hoping for your very first win.

Regardless of where you’re at, to you I say, at least you’re awake and in this fight! You might be struggling, but at least you’re in the struggle! You came to this site and read this message today because at least a part of you is still dedicated to fighting this war. Part of you has discovered, like I did, that passive compromise just isn’t an option anymore.

And yes, the fight is hard, but only because we’re facing the problems that really matter. We’re grappling with the foes that can actually hit back, which means our attention is in the right place. So let us not give up on this all-important work. Let us accept both victories and setbacks as part of the process. Let us be unashamed to admit when we have fallen, and unafraid to get back up and give it another try. Let us be proud, because now we are truly living, now we have a true purpose, now we are awake!

By Abe, Writing Team

Feeling Adrift

The Lasting Recovery that Comes with Connection

I’ve been feeling adrift lately. Lots of change in career and life. Good friends have moved away, people are very busy with family, and so am I. Just kinda like ships passing in the night.

I reach out to others, but they aren’t available to reach back - or when they do, I can’t take their call.

But what is curious to me is that I still feel peace. All the work I’ve done to foster connection has created a foundation. Like a bank account, I’ve had so many deposits that now, when I am struggling to make more, the dividends cover the distance.

Working with Unashamed Unafraid, attending Warrior Heart Bootcamp, and reaching out locally to guys in my church and other churches have helped me see that recovery and life are seldom perfect. It’s always fraught with ups and downs.

There are moments of peace, but that can often also feel like I’m stalled out. God works a lot on me when I’m going through stress. I’m working to have it be eustress - the kind that builds mental, spiritual, and physical muscle - rather than the distress that leads me down the dark roads of addiction.

Whether you are early in recovery or a seasoned veteran, hold on during the dark days. The light will - and does - come. Sometimes suddenly, like a spotlight, and sometimes ever so subtly, like the hour before a sunrise.

“Work, work, work. It works when you work it, so work it because YOU are worth it!”

By Pete, Writing Team