Leaning Into the Void

Sometimes the answers to prayers get frustrating in their inability to be answered - or at least on our expected timeline.

Each night I look up at the stars, I realize that many of them may have imploded long ago. What I am seeing is the light from millions of years ago finally reaching my eyes. God created them. And it took a very long time to create and a very long time for the light to reach my landscape of a night sky.

My wife and I were talking today about prayers that frustrated us for a long time that have since been answered. In retrospect, we can clearly see the wisdom of God in having us wait it out so that we could learn more. Struggle more. Grow more.

It is a lot easier to see the wisdom when it is our own children rather than ourselves.

This shows up in another way … “how could a loving God allow ___ to happen?!?”

I dunno. But He knows. And in the end, Christ is the Equalizer of all pain and suffering, for He has paid the price and purchased me.

I’m strong today and compassionate towards those who have been hurt because I’ve been in their place.

Just as the Children of Israel got pretty tired of manna for so many years in the wilderness, a nice steak tastes even better after a shit sandwich.

Not that I enjoy the latter. But it makes the former a lot more appreciated.

Waiting for the Light to Come - A Spousal Journey

There are several GroupMe chat groups of bootcamp alumni to which I belong, where a question similar to the following is raised from time to time - and again very recently:

"I’ve been in recovery for some time now. I’ve worked to make ammends, but my wife is still very angry with me. How long should it take before she can forgive me and let go of our past and work on our present and future?”

This is a very triggering question for both the man seeking recovery and the partner who bore the brunt of the consequences of an addiction for years or decades.

Some relationships don’t heal. The damage was done, trust was shattered, and the wife can’t or won’t let it go. There is too much water under the bridge to want to give it another go.

I’ve seen some of my friends get divorced and finally feel free. Hoping that their now ex-spouse will be able to move on with a fresh start with someone else.

For others, they jump into another relationship only to feel regret that they couldn’t get the first one to work out. Or to find that they haven’t changed as much as they had thought, and the second marriage isn’t all it was cracked up to be in their minds. A new relationship has been formed, but many of their old personality traits persist, and the same problems remain. The only thing that has changed is the partner.

Within the stories of our podcasts, you will hear both sides. I’ve gotten to know some of the men and women who told their stories only to realize that much of their story is still yet to be told. After the microphones are turned off and the episode released, life continues. What seemed like a happily ever after within the episode took a turn, and the relationship didn’t survive the bumps in the road.

Many others are thriving. Not perfect. But working together, healing together, and building a marriage on a firm foundation of recovery.

I’ve seen a common denominator that is distilled into two questions.

The first is humbly approaching God and asking: “Dad, who am I to You?”

I listen quietly. I wait for the answer to come. Only then can I ask the next question –

“Father, is it the right thing to do right now to continue to invest in this relationship? Is what I’m doing helping or hurting? What is my part in this, and what is Your Will moving forward?”

I must divorce myself from seeking approval and acceptance from anyone but God. In doing so, I am at peace with the proper path to follow.

It is thinking less about me and my unmet needs and more about my partner. For me, the answer to the above question came back yes many times. And immediately, or sometimes over time, I get an answer to what my part is - where I have growth and challenges to overcome.

I have friends who are living their best lives and in a new relationship.

I have friends who continually regret leaving and wish they could go back and make it right.

And I had an aunt and uncle who got back together twice and stuck it out until one took her last breath, and he followed a short time later, well into the twilight years of their lives, deeply in love and affection for each other.

Wherever you are, I pray that you can be focused on where you need to improve - as I’ve found that is the most empowering place to be - and focused on who you are in God’s eyes above all else.

Discipline Wins Over Motivation Every Time

I have a confession. I’ve been doing it all backwards for a very long time and not really known it.

I grew up in the age of Tony Robbins and other motivational speakers. Start with the “why.” The results will come.

It wasn’t Robbin’s fault or Covey’s or anyone else’s. I just got hung up on the motivation. And I waited for it to come.

It did at times, but not consistently. I had some discipline, but it took second seat.
Looking back, all the major transformations were a result of discipline.

Getting a master’s degree required weekly homework, which required daily study, contemplation, and writing.

12-Step working with a sponsor required weekly meetings, which required daily study and check-ins, which led to a recovery mindset and success.

@#$ your motivation. You need discipline, because motivation's not there every day.

I'm missing motivation most days. 
Yeah, some days I’ve got motivation. Some days are like, yeah, today I feel good. I can't wait to get to the gym. 


But a lot of days, I’m like, ‘gotta get to the gym.’ And then once I get going, then I feel great when it's over.

But it's that beginning part that's hard, because your body wants to stay comfortable for motivation. 


You need discipline.

- Joe Rogan

Proverbs 13:4 (The Message Version) states, “indolence wants it all and gets nothing; diligence gets results.”

I’ve loved watching The Chosen’s depiction of Christ. It has got me thinking a lot about how He “came to” and learned and improved from “grace to grace.” Certainly, Mary and Joseph would have shared with Jesus as a child His role and purpose in life. But He had to accept it, feel it, and apply it.

We know much about what Jesus said, but His miracles came in what He did to physically, emotionally, and spiritually heal others.

For 2026 I’m focusing a lot less on the “why” or motivation and a lot more on the “how” and getting after it. I rarely want to go to the gym, but I almost always leave it feeling better.

My YouTube algorithm can waste a lot of my time, but I’ve been training it to give me useful information and the “how to” for life transformation.

My piano keyboard sits less than a foot from my right side, but when I turn to the right and launch the piano teaching app I begin to relearn and hone my talent.

Whatever it is that you want to do this year, I hope you have already started doing it. And keep doing it :-).