Never Too Late, Never Too Early
/I was reading the message from last week, and just as Ty was resonating with Liam’s experience, I was resonating with Ty’s. I, too, was an LDS missionary who experienced the disappointment of relapse a little while after returning from my mission. It would be another 6 years of trying and failing on my own before I would finally reach out for help and get into recovery.
A week ago, in my recovery group, the question was posed, “what advice would you give to your eighteen-year-old self if you could talk to him for a minute.” Immediately what came to my mind was, “Please stop trying to do this on your own! There are some incredible therapies, spiritual retreats, and recovery groups out there. These are places where you can be completely honest, and the people there won’t show you the hateful rejection that you’re expecting. They’ll empathize, love, and encourage you. Please, reach out now!”
I know that I’m not the only person who feels this way, either. I’ve spoken with hundreds of men walking their own paths of recovery. I have never heard someone say, “Gee, I wish I had started recovery later in life.” What I have heard, however, is, “I sure wish I had started recovery sooner.” It is one of the defining regrets that is so common in these circles.
I do think there has been a cultural shift, that sees more and more young men willing to confess and seek help sooner. In the groups that I have attended, I have seen young men who are still teenagers or are fresh back from their mission. Young men who are still in the dating scene, and being honest with their potential future wives about the challenges that they face. I see them being honest in the times that I was still telling lies, and I’m so proud of them having the courage that I didn’t find until much later. Of course, their lives will still have their fair share of problems, but there is a lot of pain and regret down the road that they’re circumventing by what they’re doing today.
I don’t mean for this message to be discouraging to those of us that have lived through that pain and regret, though. There can be a danger for the long-time addict to think that it’s too late for him. To think that he’s lived a lie for too long, and missed out on too many good experiences, and too many opportunities that are never coming back. I could see myself asking, what’s the point of upending life and unleashing hell if all the rewards for it are behind me? If I was young, then the pain of recovery could be made up for with all the years of improved peace, but why start now if I’ll never get past those initial growing pains?
It’s an understandable feeling, but it is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of what recovery is all about. Sure, life could have been better if I’d entered recovery earlier, but that would have only been a side benefit. That isn’t the real reason for getting into recovery. The real reason for getting into recovery is simply this: to regain the soul.
A freed soul is timeless. It does not matter whether you claim it when you’re eighteen years old or eighty. It is its own reward, the greatest reward that one can ever have in life. All the regrets I have in not entering recovery earlier are swallowed up in the joy of at least being myself today. Even if I was “too late” for some of the side benefits of youthful recovery, I am perfectly content with just the benefit of feeling like a real Son of God again.
So, my message to one and to all, to both young and old, is that you must not delay any longer. Get into recovery today. Get into a fellowship of broken souls that are healing together. Stop trying to white-knuckle and go-it-alone. Shine a light on your shame, get in a group, and walk the path of shared recovery. It is a hard road, and you will be grateful for all the companionship you can have along the way. The companionship of you, your newfound friends, and your soul.
By Abe, Writing Team