Ep 72: Smith's Story

Smith Alley… Who Are You?

“Criticism isn’t something to avoid. It is something you should expect when you are making it big.”

Sometimes our experiences can bring us more insight than years of study and practice.  In this episode Smith Alley at age 18 shares perspectives and insights that  rival therapists.  

Smith had a “normal” life growing up. He had a mom and a dad who showed him love and he thought he was going to conquer the world. However, at age 6 his confidence came crashing down on him. You see, he had a stutter that when he was nervous would derail the train from his head to his mouth. 

After he stumbled through introducing himself to his first grade class, he sat down, and immediately, he felt his identity attacked when a girl innocently asked, “Why don’t you talk right?” The adversary coaxed Smith into latching onto that identity and wearing it around his neck.

This made Smith feel like a fraud so he isolated himself but on the outside always grinning and bearing the sadness.  At age 9 Smith innocently stumbled onto pornography. He did not think much of it until almost 10 months later. He was feeling so sad that his mind went back to when he saw his first pornographic image. So he consumed more and more. 

Five years later, at the peak of his addiction,  Smith describes himself as not feeling anything. He wasn’t sad, he wasn’t happy, he was just numb. He really liked this girl and she liked him. They both were consuming porn and decided to try some of the things they had seen. After the first encounter, Smith finally started to feel something. He remembers walking away from that experience and crying. He felt something! He decided that he wanted to get his life back and broke things off with this girl. 

She was hurt and decided to lie and told her parents that Smith had forced her to have sex with him. That is when the facade came crashing down and his parents knew the truth. 

The best thing that could have ever happened was his mom coming to him and saying, “Smith, I am going to fight for you but you must fight for yourself too!”  Smith said he was willing to and attended the appointment she had scheduled with his church leader to talk to him about his addiction and the charges against him. Smith was extremely afraid of his church leader, however, his fears were calmed by a hug and the comfort he felt from Jesus Christ.

Since this experience, Smith has organized a non-profit organization which fights against pornography. He is a big advocate of not holding kids back. At 18 years old, he is making a difference in the world, living his best life. The song he shares at the end of this episode speaks to how emotionally connected he is to His Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

If you want to be able to think differently about generation Z, you need to listen to this episode. Smith Alley shares so many great inspirational ideas and thoughts that it will change your perspective about Generation Z! If you think someone can benefit from this episode, we suggest you share it with them. We here, like Smith Alley are unashamed about our struggles with addiction, and unafraid of the healing power of Jesus Christ. If you want to know more you can find us on social media, Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep. 71 Expectations and Expectancy with Marc Pimsler

Choosing to Live in Expectancy

Join us as Steve and James sit down with Magic Marc once again, along with Marc’s special guest Kayla (Steve’s wife), to explore the topics of living with expectations versus living in expectancy. 

Marc explains that living with expectations means we have a tight attachment to end results.  Those expectations are actually just premeditated resentments. 

Often we place the highest expectations on ourselves. This can cause us to feel shame when we aren’t able to meet those expectations. 

So, when you are trying to avoid carrying around unresolved resentments, how do you live without expectations?  Marc’s solution is to live in expectancy.  

What does living in expectancy mean? Living in expectancy helps us to have a looser grip on life. It allows room for God, creativity, and breathing. Expectancy allows the space and grace for imperfections and curiosity. It also allows for the spontaneity of the moment to arise. 

Steve, Kayla, and James share their personal experiences of where they have set expectations.  Marc helps them explore what living in expectancy can mean for them and as you listen you are invited to find where you can live in expectancy too.  

To learn more about Marc Pimbsler visit his website at https://marcpimsler.com or tune into his podcast The Magic Well.  

If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 70: Humility and Confidence with D.J. Bishop

D.J. Bishop is a client centered, experiential therapist, dedicated to helping people transform their life stories. His work focuses on supporting his clients in identifying and challenging harmful narratives and cultivating more connected relationships with themselves, their loved ones, and the world around them. D.J. is a unique therapist in that he “walks the walk.”  Everything he asks his clients to do he’s done for himself in his own personal therapy work which gives D.J. a unique perspective.  

In this episode, James, Steve, and D.J. discuss humility, confidence, and self care. D.J. explains how the function of humility changes for a person as they work through a 12 step recovery program. Step one requires humility for a person to admit they need help. By the time they arrive at step seven, humility is now the way this person maintains serenity. Humility is also a vehicle for connection. It helps us acknowledge that we don't know everything or have all the answers and there’s something to gain through connecting with another person, a higher power, or the earth. 

D.J. describes confidence as being built upon self-worth which is derived from our level of self-care. The more we take time for self-care the more self-worth we will have, which in turn helps us feel more comfortable in our own skin. D.J. shares that in the same way addiction is a maladaptive form of self-care, recovery gives us an opportunity to reclaim our self-care for mind, body, and spirit. 

If you’re interested in working with D.J. you may contact him at the following:

Richard “D.J.” Bishop LPC, LAC

https://www.djbtherapy.com/

(850) 572-3178

dj@djbtherapy.com

If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid

Ep 69: with Sami Bingham

The Sami Bingham Story

When I was eighteen years old. I did not have anything figured out. I knew that I had to go on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; then go to school and get married. But what did I want to do? I had no clue what I wanted to do. That is not the case for Sami Bingham. She is a financial coach for her company Financial Business Solutions.She is a certified coach of Dave Ramsey Financial Solutions. 

Sami grew up in an artistic household. Her dad was an actor, director, producer and English major. Her mother was a dancer. So, naturally, she wanted to be on Broadway. She studied at Salt Lake School of performing arts. She also received a scholarship to the University of Utah to study musical theater. 

So, why is Sami’s name not on the big lights on Broadway right now? It is because she realized the environment within the performing arts was not a very secure and stable one. The culture can be very cutthroat and discouraging. That is when she went to her parents and told them she wanted to work individually with people and help them with their finances. So, naturally, performing arts goes hand in hand with accounting right? Sami found a lot of happiness in helping those people who could not see for themselves what money was doing to them and their relationships. She has some personal experience with this from her first marriage.

There were times in her first marriage when she did not know where the money was coming from to pay bills. Her ex-husband would sell off personal items to pawn shops to cover bills. Her ex sold off a very expensive guitar to a pawn shop. Sami felt betrayed about this because she had given that guitar to him on their first anniversary. 

Sami realized that something had to change. She realized that she needed to change her view and behavior with money. She realized this type of behavior is also found in pretty much every addictive behavior. She was not proud of the life she was living. She felt unworthy of Christ’s love and therefore did not go to church or have much of a relationship with Him before she married her first husband. 

After she was married, she realized she needed Jesus Christ in her life. Through the dark days of her marriage she knew she could only rely on Christ.  She also has come clean about some struggles with porn addictions and has been sober since she started listening to the podcast. She wants those who are going through similar struggles with finances, betrayal or addictive behaviors to know they are stronger than they think they are. There is always a way out. 

We are all stronger for getting to know Sami. She is an amazing person that has lived through both sides of addiction. She has felt betrayal, and been the one struggling with addiction. If you would like to know more about Sami Bingham you can visit her website, https://ramseycoach.com/financial-behavior-solutions You can also find her on Instagram and Facebook @financialbehaviorsolutions.  

We here at UnashamedUnafraid are also giving away two scholarships to Sami’s coaching classes. Please go to www.unashamedunafraid.com/scholarships for more information. If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 68: Troy's Story

The only relationship you need in order to find recovery is with God.  In this episode, Jason jumps to the other side of the mic with Steve to talk to Troy about his journey through his addiction and subsequent divorce.  

Growing up Troy held on to two beliefs.  The first, that he could never tell anyone about his addiction and second, that he would never be worthy.  He grew up feeling that he was his father’s least favorite son and translated some of that belief to his perception of how God saw him; feeling that he always had to prove he was worth something.  After serving a mission Troy quickly got married and he describes those early years of marriage as being very miserable because he felt unsafe to let his wife see any of his weaknesses.  Troy checked out of his marriage and fell hard back into his struggle with addiction which soon escalated.  He felt caught in the exhausting circle of trying to hide his addictive actions and still continue to seek addiction. 

Even with a second chance in his marriage, when he witnessed amazing changes in his wife, he struggled to overcome the shame of his previous actions and thought he didn’t deserve to be happy.  Troy shares how wonderful and supportive his wife was through his struggle. He admits he was white knuckling and while being stationed overseas he soon dove back into his addiction. His wife’s discovery brought an end to their marriage.  

Troy tenderly shares the pain of his shame, and how encompassing it became.  His divorce brought on depression and suicidal thoughts.  Hope wasn’t immediate, but a sliver of hope came from hearing Chris and Autumn's story.  Troy learned that God speaks to him through stories and he shares some of those stories with Steve and Jason.   

Through enduring the loss of his marriage he realized he needed to fight for his needs and for his relationship with his kids.  Troy found that in letting go of his need to validate his worthiness from others, his relationship with God deepened.  He now knows that God sees him as beloved, is crazy about him and about each one of us.

If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid

Ep 67: Codependency with "Magic" Marc Pimsler

Codependency: Don’t Worry About Me.

I often ask myself if I am okay. Most of the time I don’t wait for the answer because this world is so crazy busy that I don’t take time to stop and listen to my body, mind, or soul. If you’re like me, this episode is a great episode to stop, drop, and scroll. Stop what you are doing, drop into a chair, and scroll into the app of your choice that you use to listen to Unashamed Unafraid. You’re not going to want to miss this one. James and Steven sit down and talk with “Magic” Marc. 

Marc Pimsler, is a man who’s been gifted with a big heart and does a lot with his gift. He’s willing and able to sit in a room with you and mourn with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and help you through the issues in your life. After all, we all have a ton of issues to work out. Sometimes, our issues need a good therapist like Marc. This is why we call him Magic Marc. In this episode, Marc dives into the term, codependency. What does it mean? Why do we talk about it? And how do we know we have it?

Codependency has been a word that has “plagued” the psychology world for some time. They first started talking about it in terms of co-addict. When that term seemed too harsh they came up with codependent. This means that you are making yourself (emotions, needs, wants, etc) small in order to allow someone you care about to get their needs, wants, and desires met. Magic Marc states, “Being codependent is for me to regulate my needs in order to take care of you.”

So, what does this even mean? If you’re a connected person who allows your emotions to exist and tries to understand them, then you’re not experiencing codependency. He calls being codependent as having the “duck effect.” You appear to be calm, connected, rooted, etc, while under the surface you’re dysregulated, disconnected, and discombobulated.

Some of the physical signs of being disconnected include hypertension, lymes disease, autoimmune disorders, etc. Marc says, “Most physical symptomatology has its root in the emotional space.” This is an incredible realization for me. There is so much information in this episode that I am going to have to listen to this several times.

If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 66: Mike & Tami's Story

Mike and Tami’s Story

Do you ever feel like your marriage is a business partnership?  This is how Mike and Tami describe their marriage for many years, just business.  Tami was focused on being a mom.  She was content in the role of motherhood which was all she ever wanted.  Mike was struggling with shame in his addiction.  They were running the family business but not truly connecting with each other. 

This story is very special to co-host James as Mike is James' childhood friend. James has been along Mike’s side through his whole journey.  There were times they were just hanging out as bros, both quietly struggling. Later they opened up about their struggles and have supported each other.  

Mike spent many years struggling with the cycle of trying to stop his pornography addiction.  He describes seeking validation from Tami sexually.  He held onto a lot of bitterness and felt justified in his addiction.  

For Mike, stepping away from the shame of his addiction helped him find sobriety.  This however, did not fix the disconnection in his marriage.  Mike and Tami share the difficult moments in their marriage when they question if they loved each other and if their marriage would really make it.  

Now they are continually learning to connect and find true emotional intimacy in their relationship.  Mike learned that God never turned his back on him. He is waiting for all of us with open arms. 
If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who needs a reminder of God’s open arms, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid

Ep 65: Jarrett's Story

Jarrett’s Story

Join us as James and Chris sit down with Jarrett as he openly shares about his early exposure to and  struggle with pornography.  Jarrett first realized the extent of God’s love for him, when he first opened up about his struggle while serving a mission for his church.  

In this episode Jarrett reminds us that unless we deal with our trauma we will pass it onto the next generation. Jarrett’s dad was willing to share with him about his own struggles and what he learned while attending the Warrior Heart bootcamp.  This inspired Jarrett to reflect on his own life and motivated him to change. 

While working with a therapist, Jarrett was introduced to a support group with other guys his age who also struggled with pornography. This was the first time Jarrett realized that he wasn’t the only one his age who struggled with pornography. This helped give Jarrett the courage to be honest about his struggle. 

Earlier this year, Jarrett attended the Warrior Heart bootcamp with his dad. While there, he gained a deeper understanding of God’s love for him and his relationship with God began to change.  As this relationship changed, Jarrett’s life changed. 

Jarrett has taken many opportunities to share his story with others. As he has been vulnerable, others have opened up to him, shared their similar struggles and he has discovered how quickly he is able to connect with them.  Brene Brown has said “vulnerability begets vulnerability, courage is contagious.”  Jarrett is living proof of this truth. 
If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 64: Rod's Story

Rod’s Story

At a young age Rod realized he loved looking at girls. His fascination started at his grandparent’s home with a swimsuit edition of a certain magazine.  Like many who struggle, he kept his addiction quiet thinking it would go away with marriage.  After he had been married for a few years, and realizing his struggle was ongoing, Rod had a desire to be honest with his wife.  

His path through disclosure and opening up to his children is not one he would recommend.  Rod faced severe distrust in his marriage and initially struggled to find true recovery despite efforts to confess to his bishop and work through therapy and life coaching with his wife. 

Rod opens up with Chris and James about his rock bottom moment of knowing his marriage was over and the decision to change for himself and not anyone else.  He shares how he was guided to the warrior heart boot camp, his recovery group and his morning revival.  Rod demonstrates recovery is possible after a failed marriage.

His girlfriend, Heather shares how she overcame one of her list of absolutes, that she would never date anyone who was an addict.  In getting to know Rod, she changed her perspective and more importantly shares how his recovery has impacted her own relationship with Jesus Christ.  

Here are some clips Rod shares that are part of his morning revival.  

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqp2cPlK8oI

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XBbV0jn_Cxo

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nZvf_-331t0 

If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 63: Jim and Leisha's Story

Jim and Leisha - Healing is real

Not all addicts begin their struggles in their childhood or youth. Jim’s addiction struggle started a little later in life. Married with a young family, his life began to change as he descended into addiction.

Honesty is very difficult for addicts yet so crucial to the healing process. For Jim, being fully honest with himself and with those affected by his addiction came in waves. This struggle to be fully honest negatively affected his wife’s trust and intensified her betrayal trauma. Coming to terms and expelling the secrets was a process for Jim over a period of time. 

Jim speaks of the release and relief of no longer keeping secrets. Honesty truly starts the path to healing. Though sometimes a slow process, healing is real and attainable. Joy, peace, and release from pain can be found. 

Jim and Leisha share with the Unashamed Unafraid team a very personal journey of his struggle with addiction. They each give their perspective of how addiction affected their perception and personal relationship with God. They speak of hope, and healing.  All are worthy of this beautiful gift.

If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 62: William's Story

If you do recovery work long enough you realize that many families have their own systems of shame. Messages of shame were very present in Will’s home growing up. In particular, his dad carried a lot of shame in his own life which manifested itself in the way he raised Will, including through his own absenteeism, lack of connection, and lack of vulnerability as a father.

Pornography was present in Will’s home. Due to his father’s addiction to pornography, Will was first exposed at the young age of 3 years old. Around the age of 8 he began struggling with his own pornography use and unwanted sexual behavior. He first opened up about this struggle to a church leader at the age of 12 but continued to struggle.

Will shares a traumatic experience where he was sexually assulted by his friend’s older brother but felt so much shame he didn’t tell anyone what had happened. What we don’t repair we repeat, and Will soon found himself actively seeking out opportunities to take advantage of girls.

This pattern of behavior continued and so did his shame. Will felt that God’s love was based on his worthiness, and he never felt worthy. One day God showed Will that he did know and love him. That was the day Will’s youth leader was prompted to show up at his home just after Will had decided to take his own life. This saved his life.

Will has found, through his attendance at the Warrior Heart Bootcamp, his connection with God specifically through prayer. He knows now that God still loves him even when he slips in his addiction.

Will’s powerful story gives hope for those who are still struggling. God will be there for you anytime and everyday.

If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Ep 61 Unashamed for the New Year 2022

The entire U/U Crew meet to talk about 2021. What was everyone’s song of healing for the year? How many outsiders are there and just how is that non-profit doing? They each share their hearts and get vulnerable and real. No surprises there.
The crew reveals their plans for 2022 as a group and individually.
Thank you for everything you all do and for listening to this podcast. Happy New Year from the U/U Crew. We love you!
- Steven, James, Chris, CT, Jason, Sway, Rachel, Cory and Cassy

Ep 60: Relationships: Communication, Conflict, and Connection with Daniel Burgess

Daniel is welcomed back to Unashamed Unafraid for a deep dive with Steve and Chris into something every relationship can improve on, communication.

Many of us have never had great examples of what healthy communication within relationships looks like. In this episode, therapist Daniel Burgess shares his four do’s and don’ts for healthy communication in our relationships.

Daniel gained his unique perspective while working with contentious relationships in divorce court and developed the process he shares, which includes:

1. Start by assuming the best from your partner.

2. Incorporate the four Do’s and Don’ts

• Don’t - Prove, defend, convince, or retaliate

• Do Be: Clear, concise, confident, and caring

3. Avoid the divorce equation, for example “if you loved me…”

Daniel shares his personal experience of applying these tools in his own life and explains how they worked for him. He discusses his perspective about the importance of having difficult conversations in front of our kids so they can see how it is possible to navigate through the messy.

He suggests that difficult conversations should be scheduled for a specific time, and duration. And also stresses that these tools shouldn’t be used as an excuse for bad behavior nor to be used against the other person.

Learning how to communicate is a process over time and involves perspective. We are all craving empathetic connection. This episode will help you in your relationships to better know your limits and learn to communicate difficult things in a loving way.

You can find Daniel through his website at www.danielaburgess.com or by listening to his podcast ”Improving Intimacy.”

If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.