"No I'm not! I'm Noah!"

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Through my study of scripture, stoicism, and most recently, the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, the concept of "not taking things personally" has surfaced time and again over the past several years.

Like many truths that God has highlighted in my life, I initially dismissed it, believing it wasn't a problem for me. After all, I have thick skin and enjoy bantering and joking around with friends, even at my own expense. However, as this concept kept coming up, I felt compelled to delve deeper.

Another concept that recently resonated with me is the idea of an "inner circle," mentioned in books like "Own Your Past, Change Your Future" by Dr. John Delony. It suggests that there are a select few people in our lives whom we trust to truly know us, care for us, and guide us. Upon examining the "Don't take things personally" idea closely in my own life, I realized that at times, I grant the people in my inner circle the power to offend me.

This is something that has and can stall my recovery. This realization is challenging because I struggle to comprehend how it could be possible not to take offense in such situations.

Not too long ago, I found myself around a campfire with some friends, sharing our hearts. The topic of not taking things personally came up, and a comment caught my attention: A friend shared that he had been in situations where someone in his inner circle was invalidating him. However, he managed to adopt an outside observer's perspective and feel compassion for the person, and surprisingly, not take offense. He had developed enough self-awareness and confidence to recognize that such instances often reveal more about the other person or situation than about himself.

Another friend then shared a story that resonated with this concept. His young nephew, brimming with confidence, would respond to light-hearted jokes or even compliments by emphatically saying, "No, I'm not. I'm Noah!" Regardless of the comment, whether it was "You're a little prankster!" or "You're a great ball player!", the response remained the same: "No, I'm not. I'm Noah!"

That simple phrase solidified the concept for me. Now, I have hope that when confronted with a situation where I could take things personally, I can step aside, observe the circumstance, and remind myself, "No, I'm not. I'm Ty!" By bringing the truth of who I really am into situations where my worth is being questioned, I hope to gain the ability to analyze the situation accurately, avoid taking it personally, and perhaps even find opportunities for personal growth or offering compassion. No matter what happens, this feels like a step forward in my recovery.

What Next?

  • Study and truly embrace the truth that you are good and loved unconditionally

  • Get excited about the possibility of life without offense

  • Study the closely-related topic of setting boundaries

By Ty, Writing Team



Walls of Jericho

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Recently when contemplating the story of the battle of Jericho, I pondered what those Israelites may have thought when they were instructed to follow a process of marching around the walls every day, for six days, then seven times on the seventh day. Don’t you think they wondered how and if this process would work? Do you think it seemed fruitless to them? I can just hear the complaints, “Why are we doing this?”, “Oh I am so tired“, ”I don’t have time for this“, ”This won’t work.” Yet we know enough of them followed the pattern outlined by the Lord. They worked the process, and the walls came tumbling down.

I see many parallels to recovery in this story. I have heard myself or others say, “I’ve tried this and this doesn’t work”, “I don’t have time (for meetings, for therapy, for reading, for the work)” or “I am tired of trying!”

The work of recovery isn’t as quick and often not as black and white as the walls of Jerico falling but can certainly be as miraculous. Likely it will be incremental with progress and setbacks. For me, I know that it is a continuous process of applying the tools and resources, then coming back to them when I find myself off track. But the end result is miraculous.

The walls didn’t fall the first day; nor did they on the second, but they fell after the prescribed process. The process the Israelites were instructed to follow was rigorous, it required a lot of work, endurance and trust in the Lord. Your prescribed process for recovery will be unique to you, but the persistence, working, and most importantly the trust in God is not unique.

You’ll often hear it said in a recovery meeting, “keep coming back, it works if you work it, so work it because you’re worth it!”

What next?

Identify something you did in the past that was helpful to you that you gave up on and try it again.

By Nicole, Writing Team

Toxic Perfectionism

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There is a cancer that I’ve seen growing in my life and the lives of others dear to me. It is the impossible expectation of perfectionism in myself and in others. 

It starts off innocently enough. After all there is scripture from Christ commanding us to be perfect in the modern English translations. Bible scholars contend the more proper intention of the scripture passage is “complete” or to be perfected in The Father - never meant for us to imply we would somehow attain perfection on our own. Christ used this term excluding Himself at first and later including Himself post crucifiction and resurrection. 

In my own life and sharing from others there has been this expectation of perfection we have latched on to growing up in a church culture. But given the impossibility, instead we drowned in the wake of shame and anxiety that we just didn’t measure up. 

Just as demeaning spiritually is the unfair comparison of ourselves against others appearing to be perfect. Ironically I have made it a point to get to know many I’ve held up on the baseless pedestal of perfection only to be later disappointed to learn that they - just like me - have their own demons to fight and imperfections. 

Expectation of perfection can lead to backbiting and evil speaking of others when what they project on the outside is found to be hypocrisy. 

Expectation of perfection can lead to giving up, after all it is too impossible an attainment. 

Expectation of perfection leads to anger and resentment when others fall short. Most people I’ve spoken to who left a Christ setting often have stories of the hypocrisy they saw while excluding where they themselves were hypocritical. 

So then, what to do? I’ve found in my own life that the cure for this was going through a lot of hard life lessons and learning empathy and grace for others. That was more easily obtained than learning to have grace for myself. 

To see others and myself as God sees me. To surrender my imperfections to God and to others. To peel back the curtain of perception and allow others to see me with all my flaws and to still love me as I learn to love  them. 

God loves me. And He loves you. As I am. As you are. I surrender the toxicity of perfectionism and judging myself against others to Him now. 

What next?

  • Starting with gratitude focuses on where God has already blessed you and what you have accomplished with Him. Spend some time writing out all the things you are thankful for.

  • Make your next prayer one of thanking God and let Him bathe you with all the things He sees in you that are good.

By Pete, Writing Team