"No I'm not! I'm Noah!"
/Through my study of scripture, stoicism, and most recently, the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, the concept of "not taking things personally" has surfaced time and again over the past several years.
Like many truths that God has highlighted in my life, I initially dismissed it, believing it wasn't a problem for me. After all, I have thick skin and enjoy bantering and joking around with friends, even at my own expense. However, as this concept kept coming up, I felt compelled to delve deeper.
Another concept that recently resonated with me is the idea of an "inner circle," mentioned in books like "Own Your Past, Change Your Future" by Dr. John Delony. It suggests that there are a select few people in our lives whom we trust to truly know us, care for us, and guide us. Upon examining the "Don't take things personally" idea closely in my own life, I realized that at times, I grant the people in my inner circle the power to offend me.
This is something that has and can stall my recovery. This realization is challenging because I struggle to comprehend how it could be possible not to take offense in such situations.
Not too long ago, I found myself around a campfire with some friends, sharing our hearts. The topic of not taking things personally came up, and a comment caught my attention: A friend shared that he had been in situations where someone in his inner circle was invalidating him. However, he managed to adopt an outside observer's perspective and feel compassion for the person, and surprisingly, not take offense. He had developed enough self-awareness and confidence to recognize that such instances often reveal more about the other person or situation than about himself.
Another friend then shared a story that resonated with this concept. His young nephew, brimming with confidence, would respond to light-hearted jokes or even compliments by emphatically saying, "No, I'm not. I'm Noah!" Regardless of the comment, whether it was "You're a little prankster!" or "You're a great ball player!", the response remained the same: "No, I'm not. I'm Noah!"
That simple phrase solidified the concept for me. Now, I have hope that when confronted with a situation where I could take things personally, I can step aside, observe the circumstance, and remind myself, "No, I'm not. I'm Ty!" By bringing the truth of who I really am into situations where my worth is being questioned, I hope to gain the ability to analyze the situation accurately, avoid taking it personally, and perhaps even find opportunities for personal growth or offering compassion. No matter what happens, this feels like a step forward in my recovery.
What Next?
Study and truly embrace the truth that you are good and loved unconditionally
Get excited about the possibility of life without offense
Study the closely-related topic of setting boundaries
By Ty, Writing Team