Toxic Perfectionism
/There is a cancer that I’ve seen growing in my life and the lives of others dear to me. It is the impossible expectation of perfectionism in myself and in others.
It starts off innocently enough. After all there is scripture from Christ commanding us to be perfect in the modern English translations. Bible scholars contend the more proper intention of the scripture passage is “complete” or to be perfected in The Father - never meant for us to imply we would somehow attain perfection on our own. Christ used this term excluding Himself at first and later including Himself post crucifiction and resurrection.
In my own life and sharing from others there has been this expectation of perfection we have latched on to growing up in a church culture. But given the impossibility, instead we drowned in the wake of shame and anxiety that we just didn’t measure up.
Just as demeaning spiritually is the unfair comparison of ourselves against others appearing to be perfect. Ironically I have made it a point to get to know many I’ve held up on the baseless pedestal of perfection only to be later disappointed to learn that they - just like me - have their own demons to fight and imperfections.
Expectation of perfection can lead to backbiting and evil speaking of others when what they project on the outside is found to be hypocrisy.
Expectation of perfection can lead to giving up, after all it is too impossible an attainment.
Expectation of perfection leads to anger and resentment when others fall short. Most people I’ve spoken to who left a Christ setting often have stories of the hypocrisy they saw while excluding where they themselves were hypocritical.
So then, what to do? I’ve found in my own life that the cure for this was going through a lot of hard life lessons and learning empathy and grace for others. That was more easily obtained than learning to have grace for myself.
To see others and myself as God sees me. To surrender my imperfections to God and to others. To peel back the curtain of perception and allow others to see me with all my flaws and to still love me as I learn to love them.
God loves me. And He loves you. As I am. As you are. I surrender the toxicity of perfectionism and judging myself against others to Him now.
What next?
Starting with gratitude focuses on where God has already blessed you and what you have accomplished with Him. Spend some time writing out all the things you are thankful for.
Make your next prayer one of thanking God and let Him bathe you with all the things He sees in you that are good.
By Pete, Writing Team