Can My Weaknesses Really Be Gifts?

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Recently, I was listening to a New Testament podcast where the hosts shared the story of Christ healing the man who had been blind since birth. In this story Christ’s disciples ask him if this man was born blind due to his own sin or due to the sins of his parents. Christ responded by saying that neither the blind man had sinned nor his parents, but that the works of God should be made manifest in him (John 9, KJV). The podcast hosts then explained that our weaknesses are actually gifts from a loving God who knows how to work with us in mortality and how to make our weaknesses become strong. 

I don’t recall ever hearing anyone refer to weaknesses as gifts from God. To my ears this sounded like blasphemy.  Were they really saying that because God loves me he gave me weakness?  That doesn’t sound very loving to me. Especially when one of my weaknesses has been an addiction to lust. My entire life, I viewed my weakness for lust as something very bad, even shameful. I believed that God was disappointed in me because every time I tried to overcome this weakness on my own I would inevitably succumb to it’s pull. I felt like I was broken and that I needed to hide my weakness from others at all costs.

Ever since I heard this podcast, I’ve been pondering on this topic. I thought about what it would look like if I viewed my weaknesses as gifts from God. What would it mean? Through this contemplation I’ve started to realize that maybe I’ve misunderstood God and His love all along. 

I’ve always loved the scripture from 2nd Corinthians chapter 12 (KJV) where Paul asks the Lord 3 times to remove the thorn from his flesh (his weakness). Instead of giving Paul what he wants, the Lord responds in the first part of verse 9,  “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” And I love Paul’s response in the later half of the verse, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

My journey through struggling with an addiction to lust has brought me to the reality that on my own I am truly powerless over this weakness. But when I humble myself and turn to God for His help, He is able to give me the grace I desperately need. I feel connected to Him and I can feel His power in my life. 

When I feel connected with God my fears are gone and my weaknesses don’t feel overwhelming anymore. I’ve started to realize that if I didn’t have my weaknesses I don’t know that I would need God in my life as I would have no need to turn to Him. As I started viewing my weaknesses in this way I’ve come to the realization that God does love me and wants to connect with me. 

I have realized that God does not view weaknesses the same way that I did. He is not repulsed by nor afraid of them. I’m beginning to realize they are some of His greatest gifts in shaping and training me. If I allow them, the weaknesses He gave me turn me to Him so we can connect. In this way my weaknesses do feel like gifts from a merciful and loving God. I’m grateful that He loves me enough to give me such gifts. 

What now?

  • List out your weaknesses - by overcoming them, what additional strength, compassion, and blessings will you have? 

  • Pray to God for the desired blessings and to accelerate your learning and healing if it be His will.

By Seth, Writing Team

Lies about Brotherhood

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The most painful part of my story is a return to bondage after a delightful taste of freedom. Lies about brotherhood are largely to blame.

The darkness of a clouded desert night is gripping. The eyes of a lion’s wounded prey are full of desperate fear. A lost sailor feels a profound loneliness. That’s how the early decades of my life often felt as I struggled with pornography. I was held captive in a kind of hell by a series of lies.

The Lies

The great liar told me that I couldn’t reach out for help; that it wasn't safe outside of my hell. He told me God was ashamed of me and that I didn't have what it takes; that I'd fail and be a disappointment.

In earlier posts, others describe these lies. Nicole wrote, "The adversary wants us to isolate ourselves from others, to feel unique and unable to relate to others." 

Seth shared, "For too long I had listened to Satan’s voice in my head telling me the lie that if people knew the real me they wouldn’t like me and I’d be rejected."

The Truth

When I finally let God tell me the truth, it sounded like this, “I’ve got you! You’re enough, it’s safe outside your hell and the door is open.” Walking through the door required vulnerability and honesty, but God makes a way and what I found on the other side was light, truth, and Jesus in many forms including the open arms of brotherhood!

Soon after walking through that door, I arrived late to a 12-Step Recovery Meeting, looked around and recognized someone from my church congregation. The lies came back and I felt ashamed and wanted to run. But I stayed and when his turn came to share he looked at me and said something like, “...and I’m honored to be here tonight with a friend.” No judgment. Just love and acceptance.

Also in earlier posts, my fellow writers describe the truth. Pete wrote, "… I started to find guys who were willing to battle for my heart and I was willing to battle for theirs."

Chris shared, "Many [people] know my story and they still love me… Imagine that!" 

Nicole wrote, "I shared things I never thought I would share with a friend or at least if I did, our friendship would not have continued.  Yet, the complete opposite happened." 

Seth said it this way, "I got the courage to open up with another man at the camp and shared with him my struggles with addiction and self-worth. Instead of rejecting me and shaming me he accepted me."

The Liar Strikes Back

Not too long after I walked through the door, I was enjoying freedom like the escaped prey of a lion, like a rescued sailor, like the light of the sun after a long night. I was in Jesus’ arms and had a fantastic band of brothers. Then came the lies that cost me that freedom, “You can move along now. You’re done. You’re strong enough to go it alone.” Drunk on pride, I walked away. Alone again, I eventually started isolating and let even Jesus fade. Pornography and my hell slipped back into my life.

But God rescued me yet again. That same man from my church congregation reached out and invited me to Warrior Heart Boot Camp. Now I'm back with my fellow warriors - my new band of brothers! 

This time I recognize brotherhood as more than a temporary helping hand. It’s the part of my life that the lies were keeping me from. It’s the people Jesus manifests himself though. I won’t walk away again.

What’s next?

  • Read the "What's next" sections of the previous 5 posts and join us!

    "[We] need you as much as you need [us]." (Chris)

By Ty, Writing Team

Finding My Tribe

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I’ve been privileged to be part of many sisterhoods throughout my life. I have a great sister who’s just a year younger than me and no matter how long we go without seeing each other or how far apart we are, our bond is always strong. I’ve had dozens of roommates both in college and after in my early professional career. Their sisterhood has brought wonderful memories and experiences that I cherish. I have found sisterhood in my church through women that I have had the opportunity to serve with and to be served by. I cherish each one of these sisterhoods, HOWEVER, some of my greatest sisterhood blessings have come through vulnerability. 

I vividly recall reeling from the shock of my husband disclosing his ongoing battle with pornography and his lust addiction. He casually suggested I talk to a friend about this. Talk to a friend? Was he kidding? That had occurred to me multiple times over my 14 year marriage but the thought of sharing something so shameful with someone else had always stopped me.  

I’ve often struggled with the feeling that I didn't have close friends. No one would ever guess that about me, I’m talkative and outgoing, and generally an optimistic person. I’ve had lots of friends, but never someone I would tell the ugliest and shameful things to. Finding myself in such a low position opened me up to something I’ve never embraced before. You see, I wasn’t trying to hide behind a fake exterior, I just didn’t know how to be vulnerable.  

Barely a week later, a friend I was having lunch with began telling me about her son’s struggle with pornography. I don’t even recall how the conversation began, but it was clear to me that this was a moment of grace that provided me the strength to open my mouth and talk. If you met me now you would never know what a struggle it was for so many years to talk to anyone about the most shameful and painful thing I had endured.  A few weeks later, I found myself attending a support group meeting. It wasn’t my first time, but this time I felt an instant connection to all of the sisters there.

One sisterhood that has strengthened me, especially through these past several years, are two friends that I spend many early mornings walking with. We have walked through all weather conditions, and talked through all kinds of hurt, including divorce, loss of a sibling, loss of a parent, infidelity in our marriage, struggles raising children, being a single parent, dating again, 4 year olds, illness, pain, blessings, joys and miracles.  If you look at each of our life circumstances, you wouldn’t put the three of us together. We connected at first simply because we were looking for someone to walk with early in the morning.  Yet through that common interest we’ve formed a beautiful bond walking, talking, and supporting each other through different highs and lows in our lives. One of these friends gifted each of us a little necklace with a triangle which was called “Tribe” with this quote:  

“People come and go but once in a while you meet certain people you know are going to stay in your life forever.  The ones you could talk with for hours, but still enjoy comfortable silence. The ones you can laugh and cry with.  The ones that stick by your side, believe in you, and help you remember who you really are….these people are your tribe, love them fiercely.”

One of my most cherished sisterhood connections has been through the opportunity to apply the 12 steps working  through my betrayal trauma.  The love, support and encouragement I’ve received having a sponsor has, for me, been one of the greatest blessings of friendship I have ever experienced. I’ll never forget the first time my sponsor came to my house. As I listened to her share I found myself saying “me too” and opening up more and more.  I shared things I never thought I would share with a friend or at least if I did, our friendship would not have continued.  Yet, the complete opposite happened.  I was loved and strengthened and we grew closer. Through this sisterhood I have learned how to be vulnerable, share the good and bad and receive unconditional love and support.  I now seek to share this same love and acceptance when I have the opportunity to sponsor other sisters and sit with them in their dark times.  The sisterhoods I have developed through working on my recovery  are part of my tribe.  

I truly believe that the sisterhoods I've developed through extending myself in vulnerability has brought me closest to my Savior Jesus Christ because of the acceptance and love I have felt. The adversary wants us to isolate ourselves from others, to feel unique and unable to relate to others especially through our struggles.  I know that God never intended for us to experience the challenges of life alone.  We are reminded in Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”  He desires that we connect with, support and love each other.  If we open ourselves to being vulnerable, He will bring people into your life that can become your “tribe.”  

What next?  

Identify those individuals in your life who are your greatest support. Thank them, and accept them as such.  Recognize that you may need more than one “tribe”, “band” or whatever you call your people.

Seek for and embrace opportunities to connect by finding things in common and doing things with others.  This may require stepping out of your comfort zone by extending an invitation.

Recognize that some people come into our lives for a season and others for a lifetime. Both are valuable.

By Nicole, Writing Team