The Tortoise and the Hare

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A few weeks ago I was in an addiction support group meeting when someone identified 'not enjoying life' as one of their weaknesses. I'd never heard that before and I couldn't stop thinking about it. It’s got me on a refreshing path of discovery that involves humility, weakness, and the nature of my higher power.

In the fable, "The Tortoise and the Hare" the tortoise wins a race with the hare because he knew that the overconfident hare would get lazy after sprinting early in the race. As a recovering addict, I can learn several lessons from this fable.

I'll start with humility. The tortoise can rightly be credited with perseverance and cunning. But I suggest that these characteristics were secondary to his more important quality: humility. You see, the tortoise knew who he was. His self-image was right-sized in relation to his circumstances. He knew he was slower than the hare.

The importance of humility in recovery can't be overstated, but I often misunderstand it. It can be difficult to not see it as a weakness. What I'm learning, though, is that its strength is related to it being the opposite of pride and fear which keep me seeing myself either too highly or too lowly. Humility has me seeing past my pretenses - my poser. With it, I see myself right-sized in relation to my addiction, to those around me and to my higher power. For example, I'm powerless over my addiction and I need help. Admitting this isn't a weakness and is only a positive reflection of my character. When I’m right-sized without agenda or ulterior motives, I find refreshing hope and peace!

The tortoise's cunning came into play when he determined he could win the race by relying on the hare’s weakness - his arrogance. My weaknesses or character defects are obstacles in my recovery just as the hare’s were in his race. Pride, fear, laziness, resentment, shame, impatience and yes, not enjoying life (allowing life's annoyances to affect my overall outlook and mood) can lead me to states of mind where I begin looking for the familiar numbing or self-medication of my addiction. The ‘hares’ or forces in my life that work against me are also cunning. They rely on my weaknesses to thwart my recovery.

Finally, my perception of the nature of my higher power is of vital importance as I turn there for help to overcome my weaknesses. I hesitate and stumble when asking for or receiving help if I see that power as vengeful (watching for and punishing mistakes) or even as a kind-eyed grandpa watching and caring from his chair in the corner. I succeed when I see Him as He is: a powerful, active friend; wanting to help and to whom I am always enough.

What next?

  • Take a fresh look at humility. Does it still feel like weakness?

  • Employ the power of humility to right-size yourself and to identify your weaknesses.

  • Ask true friends for help - and find a way to include your higher power in that group.

By Ty, Writing Team

Do I really want Recovery?

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RECOVERY - I never knew this word could become such a regular part of my vocabulary. That was until my dive into my betrayal trauma and subsequent work on my marriage after my husband’s disclosure of continuing to act out in his addiction to lust and pornography 14 years into our marriage.

Yet as often as I use the word “recovery” I still question that it truly describes what I have experienced and ultimately what I am seeking. The most common definition of recovery that I have come across is “the act of regaining or returning toward a normal or healthy state” (Merriam Webster online dictionary). Regaining? Returning? These words seem dissonant to what I am seeking. I don’t want to return to the disconnectedness I felt in my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ. I don’t want to return to the broken marriage I had with my husband. I don’t want to return to the blindness and fog I lived in.

I must acknowledge that my betrayal trauma and the impact it’s had on my life and personal experiences cannot be erased. They are forever part of my story and no amount of restoration, regaining or returning can change the pain, hurt, and shame I have experienced. Yet I know that without these experiences it would not be possible to be where I am now. I’ve gained empathy for others that I never had before, and I’ve learned how to better recognize and acknowledge my feelings and emotions. I'm learning how to choose self care and to express my needs.

What I have begun to learn, experience, and desire to gain is nothing compared to what I thought I knew before. My perspectives, my relationships, and in particular my marriage are new, sweeter and better. So “regaining” and “returning” seem an ill fit to describe where I am or desire to be.

To me, recovery is a choice. You get to choose your own definition, and that doesn’t have to be a “return” or “regaining” but a choice to pursue something new.

The following quote better describes my point: “Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending.”

Even better stated is in Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

So instead of choosing the act of returning or restoring, I’m choosing newness.

What next?

  • What does recovery mean to you? How can viewing it as choosing a new ending change your perspective?

  • Watch the lyric video “New Creation” by Mac Powell https://youtu.be/Z1Ygqog17vg

Nicole, Writing Team

God Amplifies Effort

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For a long time I would pray for things and then wait around and get frustrated that no answers seemed to come. It played in well with my own shame story of not being worthy of God’s love and the inaction led to a lot of anxiety and depression which led me to seek ways to numb and dull the pain and frustration. I’d try quick fix workouts, diets, setting goals, etc., but I kept coming back to feeling like a failure.

Recently, an analogy came to mind. I live in Arizona where it is about 78 degrees early in the morning and in the 90s and 100s by lunch time. My wife had some medical issues and is not able to exercise so I got her an electric scooter. At first, I’d try to ride behind her on my mountain bike, but it was too hard to keep up on hills and the heat and exertion would give me a pretty bad headache for the rest of the day. So then I bought an electric scooter for myself and have enjoyed the long rides we take, but am getting no exercise. Recently, I bought an e-bike without a throttle. I have to peddle, but the electric motor kicks in and amplifies my efforts. Now I’m able to keep my heart rate in the 130-140 range while covering significant distances and the hills require more effort, but not an extreme effort.

I have been thinking about this for a week or so. Using the analogy, God will never stop me from getting on the mountain bike and going straight up the hill. I can numb out by getting a fully electric bike and just zoom up the hill, but I don’t exert any effort and I get no respiratory or muscular benefit from it. But with an ebike, I can choose how much of the load to give to the motors and together we are able to cover a lot of ground.

As I look at my life over the past few years, I’ve taken the challenge to do more and be more and each new thing I’ve tried has been really hard at first. But as I call on God to help me, I’ve seen over time that He is able to greatly amplify my efforts and I’ve been able to accomplish things I thought were impossible on my own.

God is calling us all on an adventure. In my experience, He loves effort and steps in and takes my best efforts to heights I didn’t think possible.

What next?

Identify something you’ve wanted to accomplish and take it to God. If no answer comes immediately, get to work in the best way you know how. Maybe reach out to someone who is really good at what you want to do. Watch YouTube videos. Then get to work and put God to the test and see if He doesn’t amplify and accelerate your efforts.

By Pete, Writing Team