Relax and Take it Easy

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A morning mantra from the AA Big Book has a seemingly unusually simple tip to the hustle and bustle of life - relax and take it easy.

So much of my life has been chaotic and crazy, so when I first heard this advice I was a bit skeptical - to say the least. Found on page 86 and often used as a daily reading suggestion, the Big Book states:

“In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.”

This is definitely a journey more than a destination for me. I have to be reminded of it regularly, but it works when I work it.

Elsewhere in the Big Book it discusses how the mind, when under the influence of an addiction, often attempts to control everything. The image of a stage is set. In my own experience I’m not only trying to be - or trying to control - the writer, director, actor, stage manager, etc., but also the audience, the critics, and every other attendee as well.

Surrendering has been one of my greatest obstacles. But it has also led to my greatest triumphs. When I am vulnerable and reach out to others and I’m honest with what is going on in my heart and mind, I am able to relax and take it easy.

Basically doing the opposite of everything else that didn’t work in my life. Instead of being self-centered, I look to serve others. Instead of being stressed out, I look to be at peace. Instead of doing everything on my own, I give it to God and reach out to others. Instead of fearing the future and trying to control everything in the present moment, I seek God for peace and petition to see others through His eyes.

The gauge of happiness in my life is how well I am able to relax and take it easy. When I’m letting go and letting God direct my life, the ocean may be pretty crazy, but I’m safe and protected and able to be present with those around me in our collective boat.

Now What?

  • Practice this step by reading the paragraph and/or page from the Big Book daily and put it into action. “God, I surrender my will to You today. I pray to see others as You see them, and to treat them as You direct me to treat them. Your will God, not mine be done.”

  • When feeling overwhelmed, take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed. Ask God how you can serve those around you. Take action with the first inspired thought that comes to mind, reach out to the first face or name that comes to you.

By Pete, Writing Team

Experiencing God's Love

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Have you felt the love that God has for you through the love and acceptance extended to you by another person? 

Recently my wife and I attended a Sunday church service for a congregation we used to attend. The leader of this congregation, who has become a dear friend to us, had completed his tenure and was being released and a new leader had been called. During the service both my wife and I wiped away tears of gratitude as we reflected on the love and service this man had offered to us through one of the most difficult times of our marriage.  

A little over 4 years prior, I was at the lowest point of my life. I had recently broken the trust and heart of my wife yet again as I disclosed to her for the third time about my continued struggle with an addiction to lust that was still going strong 14 years into our marriage. Seven years prior I had relapsed and instead of telling anyone, especially my wife, I decided to keep it a secret. I had broken her heart so many times before with empty promises of changing and I couldn’t handle dealing with the pain my actions would cause her.  

At this point I had given up all hope for me. Having gone through formal discipline through my church twice before for acting out I figured I had blown all of my chances for redemption, so over those 7 years I went deeper into my addiction. I got to the point where I no longer wanted to live. I had decided my family would be better off without me. 

It was around this time that I stumbled upon the Unafraid Unashamed website for the first time. I remember reading Steve’s story and for the first time feeling like someone else knew what I was going through and how I felt. I would listen to the stories of Chris & Autumn, Steve, and Rob on repeat in my car over and over again. In listening to their stories I felt hope for the first time. I thought if I could just be honest about my secret, then maybe I could feel the joy and freedom they had experienced. 

One day I was feeling really low so I came home from work early and decided to pray. I felt like this was my last option. Either God would help me or I was going to need to end my life. I said the sincerest prayer I had ever prayed to God and pleaded for His help. I didn’t know what to expect because I felt unworthy to ask Him for anything. 

In my prayer I remember asking that if God would just provide me with an opportunity, I would be completely honest about everything no matter the consequences and I would do whatever He wanted. Within 2 weeks a miracle started to happen in my life. God blessed me with the opportunity I needed to finally be honest and tell my wife and our old ecclesiastical leader everything. I was very scared but I had an overwhelming feeling that God had heard my prayer and was answering it. 

I had an amazing experience talking with my church leader. Through the many years of acting out in my addiction I always wished that I could just talk to Christ directly. Speaking with my church leader felt like how I imagined my conversation with Christ would go. He invited me to go for a walk with him and talk. I felt no judgment from him and he was kind and loving as I confessed a lifetime of sin and pain. It was the first time I didn’t feel like I had made my church leader angry with me. I felt seen, heard, and accepted just the way I believe Christ wants each of us to feel. 

I ended up going through formal church discipline again for the third time. Whereas my first 2 church discipline experiences were shameful and anything but loving, this time the experience was completely different. It was very spiritual and I felt nothing but God's love for me through the entire process. I  was not excommunicated as I figured I would be. Instead I was shown mercy and kindness I had never felt previously and for which I felt completely unworthy. 

I am forever grateful to my church leader who helped me to feel God’s love for me when I needed it most. I had given up on myself but God did not. He pursued me and showed me how great His love is.  Looking back on this experience I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for God’s love and mercy. I may not understand it but I am grateful for it. I am reminded of a quote by Jeffrey R. Holland that says, “…surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it.”

I feel strongly that it’s no coincidence that since this experience I've been blessed with the best sobriety and recovery I’ve ever had. Anytime I question God’s love for me I can look back at this experience with my former church leader and friend and I remember how God loves and cares for me. I know he loves and cares for you as well. 

 Now what?  

  • Ponder on God’s mercy and love?  How have you felt those manifest through another person?  Take the time to acknowledge this and thank this person.  

  • Find a way you extend acceptance and love to another person and do it.  

By Seth, Writing Team

I Don’t Know Who I’d be if I Didn’t Have You

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Lauren Daigle’s song of this title is hitting the Spotify radio rotation pretty regularly. 

I disagree with the title, however, as I know exactly who I am without Christ as the center of my life. 

I’ve lived many years with the person who attempted to live without Christ and he isn’t someone great to hang out with. And I am so thankful that today I do know who I can be when Christ is invited in daily. 

As I reflect on that this morning, I’m glad to see where I’ve come from - in recovery it is often easy to compare against another and be discouraged as to where I think I should be. More and more, however, I’m learning the importance of being present in the moment, asking God “who do You need me to be right now? Who needs me? This removes the comparison and puts my heart and God’s Love at the center of my world, leaving little room for anything else. 

So many stories on the Unashamed Unafraid podcast walk us through who we are without our Older Brother guiding us. 

When I don’t feel very inspired, my prayer can be “God, help me see others as You see them. Help me to love them as You love them.” Following this prayer with a list of everything I’m thankful for has yet to fail me. 

God never fails me and when I approach Him with an open heart and I am willing to put all my garbage, self-doubt, anxiety, fears, procrastination, inaction, and other weaknesses on the mental altar, Christ takes my mess and helps me to be a part of His message. 

My prayer for you today is to find out who you can be with Christ at your center. 

What Next? 

  • Take a moment and ask God who you can reach out to. Go with the very first picture of a person or name that comes to mind, or however you get inspired. Yes, you may think “anyone but that person” or “they are too busy for me” or a number of other prompts that don’t come from God.

  • Pick up your phone and call or shoot a text or drop by their house. Just do something immediately. Nothing may happen. A lot may happen. But you won’t know until you try it.

By Pete, Writing Team