We do not grow to know God
/“Out of the wreck of our disfigured, misshapen selves, so darkened by shame and disgrace, indeed the Lord comes to us disguised as ourselves. And we don't grow into this—we just learn to pay better attention. The 'no matter whatness' of God dissolves the toxicity of shame and fills us with tender mercy. Favorable, finally, and called by name—by the one your mom uses when she's not pissed off.” - Tattoos On The Heart, Gregory Boyle end of Chapter 2.
During a very dark period of my life when I was facing bankruptcy, seemingly divorce, and wondering what the point of continuing to live was, several messages permeated the self pity to reach down inside.
There are a number of stories of someone searching the world in search of riches and fame only to die penniless and alone. Later, after they had passed on, great treasure was found right in their backyard. They wasted their lives looking for what was in their own backyard.
I’ve shared before that a seminal moment occurred to me in a gym while jet lagged in Asia in these Lyrics by Kirsty Hawkshaw and Tiësto in their song “Just Be”:
You can travel the world, but you can't run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
If you're searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can't see
Just be
Just be
If God is the ultimate creator of all things - if He creates a human body capable of healing itself and propelling itself with food and rest and activity; if He breathed life into me and gave me the miracle of daily breath - then what I need to be fulfilled and happy is likely inside of me already. All I need to do is to uncover it. Not to go and find it (though adventures help me to see that the imaginary limitations of fear and laziness are just that - imaginary), but to accept that all I need is already within. The purpose and journey of life is in having it revealed through action.
Actor Morgan Freeman playing God in Evan Almighty dispels wisdom: “If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prays for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?”
His tutelage isn’t to drop blessings on us without our effort. It is to reveal to us who we really are. What is hidden beneath.
The eye opening experience for me as I am living a life in early recovery is to ask “God, what is this propensity for addiction all about?!? What have You given me in this process that is good? Is it just for me to be humbled and come to You and to reach out to others? That has worked well, but what else are You teaching me? The ability to lust is easy, but what is godly? To teach me to pursue good things when that energy is properly directed?”
It is an interesting place to be. After years of coping with life’s distractions and disappointments, I, in one way, find that I’m a kid on a bike with training wheels as I learn new ways to look at challenges.
Rather than running or seeking to mask pain, I’m learning to lean in and ask God “what is wanted? What would You have me do? Where are You in this situation? Please open my eyes to see others as You see them, inspire my hands to do what You would have me do and open my heart to love as You love.”
What is next?
How has God showed up for you? Do you believe He loves you unconditionally?
What good things have come out of your trials in life? How are they teaching you?
By Pete, Writing Team