Breakthrough After Breakthrough

A whale deep in the ocean rises through the water for a long time before finally breaking the surface in a dramatic and thunderous splash. It feels like my commitment to recovery worked the same way. On the surface, there was nothing, nothing, nothing…then a sudden dramatic moment of making confession, getting into addiction recovery, and implementing huge changes to my life. But just like the whale breaching, that sudden surge didn’t come from nothing. The need to live the truth had been burning in my soul for a long while, growing and building pressure, driving me towards the surface for quite some time.

When all that pent up desire for the truth finally broke through, it was quite the high for me. Motivation went through the roof, changes came easily, everything felt brand new, and life was more real than ever before. Even with the heaviness of dealing with wounds that I had kept hidden for decades, every waking day felt like a new opportunity and I never wanted it to stop.

I didn’t think it would stop either. I felt that now that I had broken through I would live the rest of my life in the sun. This breakthrough would be the only one I would ever need, carrying me through every life change that I ever wanted.

That was nearly eight years ago, so it’s fair to ask whether I have, indeed, kept that same enthusiastic high all the way through. Well, let me tell you…

No. Not at all.

I guess it’s probably predictable, but it was still a disappointment for me when that enthusiasm dissipated, returning me to the doldrums of uphill battles. Changes became hard to make again, connection with God required real effort, and temptation once again lurked around every corner. And while I had made progress with one addiction, I still struggled just as much with others. So no, this one breakthrough didn’t solve everything for me.

But it did solve some things. I can still say that this breakthrough was very much a life-changing experience for me. My life has been permanently better ever since, with transformations that I’ve never gone back on, such as the resolve to tell the truth, even when it is uncomfortable. My initial breakthrough was real and meaningful, but it was also just one one leg of a much longer journey.

From what I’ve seen, this sort of experience isn’t unique. Every great story of recovery is not the end of the series. It has many sequels. I have seen this in my life, and in the lives of others, and even in the scriptures.

Think of the apostle Peter. Peter had a great breakthrough when Jesus guided him to a miraculous catch of fish, absolved him of his sin, and invited him to “follow me.” Just like that, the fisherman was transformed, and became a worker of miracles and a fierce defender of the faith. But that was not the end of his story, nor was it the only breakthrough he experienced. He had another when he walked out on the water. He had another when he was called anew by the resurrected Lord. None of those breakthroughs were insignificant, but also none of them were his entire story. It took all of them to make him the man he was meant to be.

Going back to the Old Testament, in the ancient tabernacle there were three curtains: one to pass from the outside world into the courtyard, one to pass from the courtyard into the tabernacle, and one inside the tabernacle to enter the most holy place. This shows a pattern of multiple awakenings, multiple rebirths, multiple breakthroughs before we arrive at our final destination.

And, going back to my story, I’m happy to say that even though life is still an uphill battle, that first breakthrough was not my last. After several years of gradual, mounting struggle I finally had another epiphany just recently. The result of that second breakthrough is that I finally understand what it means to truly view marriage as sacred. This has resulted in significant changes to my attitude and expectations, ones that I believe are permanent.

Does that mean that I have finally arrived and my journey is over? Absolutely not! There are plenty of areas where I’m still fighting an uphill battle, problems that I still don’t have the answer to, and doldrums that I still struggle to snap out of. But things are getting progressively better, and I do believe there will be more breakthroughs yet to come, and I genuinely think everything will be alright in the end. That is enough.

By Abe, Writing Team