How My Life Wasn’t Destroyed

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Recently I was sharing about my struggle with pornography addiction with a friend of mine’s 19 year old son. During our conversation he expressed to me his desire to get past his addiction because multiple people in his life, including his parents and ecclesiastical leader, have told him that having an addiction to pornography will destroy his life. I began recalling the very same messages given to me from my own parents and ecclesiastical leaders as I was growing up. Because I believed these messages, for years, I chose to hide and keep secret my own struggle with sex addiction. As well-intentioned as these parents and leaders of both myself and this young man were, these messages are fear-based and full of shame.

As I drove home after speaking with this young man, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own journey that my struggle with sex addiction has taken me on. I asked myself if I feel like my life has been destroyed because of my addiction. As I pondered this question, the following thoughts came to my mind. They are only a few of the ways in which my life is vastly different than before.

I am much more empathetic for others than I ever was before. I can see now that everyone is struggling with some sort of pain or trauma whether emotional, physical, or spiritual. This has helped me to be much less judgmental.

I am more vulnerable now than I ever was before. I used to hide my worst parts because I was afraid others would reject me if they knew the real me. Vulnerability has allowed me to connect with other people which has been crucial for my recovery. It has helped me create true friendships with other men and to connect emotionally with my wife.

I strive to be more kind and compassionate towards others and myself than I ever was before. Having struggled with addiction for most of my life, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of shame whether from other people or from shaming myself. I have realized that nobody is perfect, especially myself. I have much more compassion for myself when I slip and make mistakes.

Most importantly, my relationship with God and Jesus Christ is deeper than it ever was before. I'm grateful for my struggle with addiction because in many ways it forced me to develop a relationship with them. I feel like I’m only scratching the surface in learning about how much they love me. Daily connection with them is crucial for my recovery. They lead my life much better than I can.

After finding some healing through my struggle with sex addiction I can clearly see that I am a different person. Just because someone struggles with a porn/sex addiction doesn’t mean their life will be destroyed. On the contrary. If we can replace shame and fear with hope, this can be an opportunity for self-learning, improvement, and growth that couldn’t come in any other way. Life can be much better than before.

What now?

  • Think about what fear messages you received growing up. How have they impacted your perspective?

  • Think about the messages you may be sharing with others you have influence over? How can you share more hope and less fear and shame?

By Seth, Writing Team