Relax
/Recently, at a Sexual Addiction Lifeline (SAL) meeting, I received a token and a hug to celebrate my sobriety. When asked how I accomplished it, I shared this motto:
"Relax into Jesus. He'll make you better, but you'll always be enough."
Specifically, I shared how relaxing into Jesus has been one of the keys to my sobriety. But the other parts of that motto have been equally impactful.
The phrase "Relax into Jesus" speaks of concepts like faith and surrender. I don't always feel God’s presence, so at times, letting go and surrendering to him feels like a trust fall, but he never fails to catch me.
The word "Relax" feels appropriate, as Jesus has promised that his yoke is easy and his burden light (Matthew 11:28-30). Recently, I was hurt by someone close to me. It was difficult, but I handed the pain and anger to Jesus in a mental and verbal effort. I had to do it repeatedly, but eventually walked away free of the pain and anger.
The phrase "He'll make you better" speaks to progress and improvement. God's transformative power is a central aspect of my recovery. This is the hard part though. C.S. Lewis compared it to a house being remodeled: It's not surprising when the drains are set right, and the leaks in the roof are stopped. But at times, the house gets knocked about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. God is building quite a different house from the one I envision. It's tough sometimes - really tough. But the more I relax into it, the better it goes.
Finally, the phrase "You'll always be enough" is a reminder of God's unconditional love. This has been a challenging but crucial realization for me, as I have struggled with the fear that God might be disappointed in me.
You see, I've done some bad things. I've hurt people and taken advantage of others in some of their worst moments. I've raised my voice and fists to God with hot tears of anger and frustration on my cheeks. I've certainly imagined that He was upset with me. But I've never felt it. Never. His love for me is baffling in its depth and unwaveringly unconditional.
What now?
Relax! Not into destructive behavior, but into your higher power. Embrace the truth that your higher power is bigger than the storm you’re in.
Be changed. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s not me that changes. It’s my higher power that changes me. You can feel it as a pull, a good desire, a positive emotion, a little hope, a little strength. Accept it and have fun acting on it.
Know you’re enough. Your higher power is not disappointed in you. And he’s not way off somewhere. He stands as close as you'll allow, arms open with sympathy and love in his eyes, roaring like a lion against your enemy.
By Ty, Writing Team