Changing Directions
/My family and I took an impromptu vacation to Southern California to, in part, escape the lingering summer heat of Southern Arizona, but also to connect with family and take the kids to amusement parks.
This morning we visited a nearby Japanese Garden. There, I noticed much symmetry but the lack of straight lines. My wife explained that during a previous visit they had a guide who shared that the tradition is that evil only goes in straight lines. And if we didn’t believe in that to consider that in life when we get stuck, we should zig-zag our behavior and path.
I’ve thought a lot about traditions and religious pursuits. They don’t always have a positive effect on my life. For example, a false tradition I was brought up with is that God is all knowing and all seeing, and cannot tolerate imperfections. This led to a false belief that all things I do wrong disappoint God and thus remove me from Him.
To move forward in recovery, I had to abandon this tradition. I know and accept that God is all-knowing and all-powerful, and that He does all things through Love. He knows this is an imperfect world and that this is the only place where I can learn and grow and develop to be more like Him. In sickness and pain, I learn the serenity of peace and well-being. In trials and tears I learn the magnificence of mourning with others and extending to them the same love that I’ve either been a recipient of previously or by being present for others in their time of need.
I was stuck for many years in rinse-and-repeat recovery. Swearing it off, confessing to a church leader and promising to sin no more … only to be right back at the beginning. I added 12-step meetings and they did a lot to help me see outside of myself, but I was still stuck, although at a higher level and my relapses were not as long or to the level of degradation of the past. I added in therapy and that helped.
I often found myself going back to what had worked previously expecting the same level of fullness as before. But what I am learning now is that God likes variety and surprises - contrasting the beauty of the desert and cacti of all varieties to the stark differences in lush greenery of the Japanese garden today.
A missing component for me was the connection to people. And in order to get there, I had to first accept that God is Love. Complete, total, unconditional Love. That speaks peace to my soul and then I feel worthy of being loved. And in that worthiness, I can give love to others.
God is a God of Mystery. He likes variety. He likes to do things differently. Each recorded time Jesus healed a blind person was different and tailored to the belief and experience of the person requesting the miracle. From spitting in the dirt to pronouncing clean.
Peter - my namesake - also had to learn this lesson. Christ often used fish - either the catching of so many that it broke his nets and almost sunk his boats, or instructing Peter to catch but one fish to find the exact amount needed to pay their tribute to Caesar and move on with life. Exactly what was needed at the time was provided, but in a different way.
As I contemplate my many spiritual experiences I can see where I was stuck for decades. I kept doing the same thing over and over again but expected a different outcome. Or I would do something that worked before and expect it to work exactly the same way again.
As I see the patterns of recovery, there are similarities - reaching out to others almost always puts me in a much better place - but that each encounter is different. Each person - or the same person on a different day - is slightly different. And in that difference my mind is awakened and I see things differently.
What next?
Reach out!!! Now. Whatever name pops first into your mind, just reach out and keep going until someone picks up the phone. Go to lunch or early breakfast before work.
Work out, walk, do something creative like start painting, or taking photos, or journaling, or whatever. If you think you “should” be writing in a journal or reading your scriptures but haven’t for years, you can start … or maybe your spirit is telling you that isn’t for you right now but find something that is! For Chris on our team God is most accessible in the mountains. For me it is by the water - and a view of the mountains amplifies it. Find out what it is for you and start doing it!
By Pete, Writing Team