EP:37 Anonymous Q&A withKristy
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Anonymous Q&A with Kristy
Chris, James and Steve sit down with Kristy (James’ Beautiful Bride) and discuss anonymous questions submitted by our listeners. The episode talks about two people’s questions. The first is a deep one that asks about wanting to change but not knowing how. The second has several sub-questions from a supporter’s viewpoint. These are two very brave people who are asking questions that all addicts and supporters have asked. Sit back and buckle up. This episode is epic!
Why do I continue to go back to porn when I love God so much?
This question is one that all addicts have asked. It is questions like, “Why can I not stop?” “What is wrong with me?” John Eldridge talks about how addicts are trying to search for God through addictions. It is just the most counterfeit and damaging way to find Him because it is not really a true connection with anyone. This response leads to more questions.
Why is the addict searching for the next high? What is the addict feeling about a situation, or life, that they want to “check out” for a while? Chris talked about how he kept a relapse journal to discover his feelings behind his addiction. He wanted to find the root cause of why he was being tempted. He would journal about how he was feeling and then refer back to that journal when the next temptation would arise. This proved extremely helpful to understand the feelings and be able to sit in them while reaching out to the real source (God) instead of the addiction. Journaling is something that Chris learned through therapy and support groups, like LifteSTAR.
We at Unashamed Unafraid are thankful for this next set of questions from a woman who wants to support her son. She gives a little background about what is happening with her son. It is obvious how much she adores her son. The UU crew wishes that this concerned mother could be shared with the entire world. Because someone who feels deeply (and is willing to sit in the addiction with their loved ones) like this woman is exactly what an addict needs. Her questions could be the topic of an entire podcast episode. So let’s have a look at them.
Do you have any episodes of an addict who isn’t married?
Does it take someone being married to be ready to start healing and recovering?
Does the porn addiction also mean that they are sex addict?
Does porn use always lead to acting out with other people?
What advice would you give me?
What resources would you start with and recommend for me and the addict?
First off, this is exactly what people who are wanting to support an addict are doing. This woman knows she cannot change her son. She knows that he is the one who has to do it. However, she can be there as a beacon of hope and strength for him. She is giving him the space to be honest. So, the UU Crew talks about all of these questions and gives advice for where to start.
These are the right questions to be asking if you are wanting to be there for a loved one struggling with addiction. Unashamed Unafraid does not have any episodes on single people who struggle with addiction, YET! We have had a few leads, but that is about it. We are asking that anyone who is struggling with a porn or sex addiction, please let us know if you want to tell your story.
What is the difference between a porn and sex addiction?
Honestly, it can be used interchangeably. It all depends on which definition fits for each person. Steve likes to use the Sex Addiction Spectrum. What that means is a person can be addicted to porn or to sex. Sex with others (including mutliple partners) is on the far end of the spectrum; whereas, porn is on the opposite end of the spectrum. And, having a porn addiction does not mean that it will escalate to a prostitution or multiple partners addiction.
What can someone do to help a loved one overcome an addiction? Where can they start the healing process?
Just be there for the person. Help them when they want help. They will ask for it if they know that the support is coming from love and not shame. It takes the addict time to recognize that too. Also, a supporter who shows them that the addict is in a judge free zone will likely be more vulnerable. Support can also come from gentle nudges with references to books or podcasts (Unashamed Unafraid of course) that the supporter has researched.
These are all really helpful resources, but everyone is different. Books could be a great start. Therapy is a very good place to begin. Therapists can help navigate the addict through all of the different resources available. All addicts will need certain types of resources at different times during their recovery. Just be there for them.
We at UnashamedUnafraid are so thankful that people are willing to ask these hard and vulnerable questions. If these stories resonate with you, or you know someone who might benefit from them, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ. Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.