Ep 31: Joe and Amy's Story

 Joe and Amy Pierson: Perspective Shift

Joe and Amy Pierson are amazing people. Chris and Steve had the privilege to talk with them about their story. They also talk very candidly about what it took to help them through Joe’s addiction. Joe talks about his experience of surrendering to Heavenly Father. Amy talks about her experience of surrendering her trauma and Joe to Him as well. Sit back and enjoy this amazing adventure of war and redemption.

Joe grew up in a home that was very shame based about sex and anything related to it. They could not even say the word pregnant. They had to say that someone was “expecting”. Joe remembers when he was on a business trip with his family where his mom and dad went out for a work dinner. Joe was the oldest on the trip. He has two older brothers who didn’t go on the trip. So he was left to be in charge of his younger siblings. While he was alone, he watched a movie on cable that showed people having sex. Joe did not know what to do with it. Joe ended up ejaculating and felt so ashamed of himself. He did not say anything to his parents. He kept it to himself and began his journey of trying to deal with his addiction on his own. 

While he was a teenager, he was given the book, “Miracle of Forgiveness” by Spencer W. Kimball. This book is no longer recommended by the LDS church .  It created a lot of shame and toxic guilt for those who read it and is no longer published. When Joe’s mom saw him with the book, she shamed Joe which drove him further into his addiction.

Joe continued to isolate himself away from those closest to him. He was sober from masturbation for over six months before his mission. Joe served an honorable mission even though during his last few weeks of the mission he masturbated in the shower. He decided that his mission was a failure because of this action. That was so far from the truth but because of the shame and guilt he received from himself and others around him, he suffered. Joe’s experience up to this point was completely opposite for his wife Amy.

Amy grew up in a family where sex was openly talked about. She remembers her mom yelling at her brothers if they spent too much time in the shower. She would yell, “QUIT MASTURBATING AND GET OUT OF THE SHOWER!” So naturally, Amy and her sisters would yell the same thing when they needed to get into the bathroom. Amy’s mom went as far as having the “M-Talk” with her brothers’ friends. Amy brought that same openness into a relationship with Joe.

Before Joe’s mission, Amy and him started dating, but only as friends. Amy had gone farther than kissing and hugging with previous boyfriends; however, never had sex before marrying Joe. She just wanted to date as friends especially because Joe was going on a mission soon and she did not want to be the reason he did not go. Amy dated even though she “technically” waited for Joe. Joe proposed to her within 24 hours of being home from his mission.

Joe and Amy were married nine weeks after he returned home. Joe assumed, like every other addict, the problem would go away because he could be fulfilled by Amy. Then, he found the internet. He knows that if he had access to pornography before the internet, he would have been addicted to it. He remembers using his sisters’ teen magazines to masturbate to. Amy started to sense Joe pulling away from her emotionally because he was looking at porn.

Joe and Amy are best friends and so Amy could just feel something was off. So, about 6 years after they were married, Amy was walking down the street and got this impression in her head, “Joe is looking at porn.” Amy immediately went home and opened the office door and said to Joe, “I know you’re looking at porn, you need to make an appointment with the bishop and you need to take care of it.” Joe was floored. He thought to himself, “How did she know?”

He scheduled an appointment with the bishop and met with him a couple of times. Joe thought he was fixed. Little did he know that he would spend the next two and a half decades battling this. In the height of his addiction, he would spend nights at the office and not come home. Amy was suffering but kept her composure and told him that she would never leave him. Joe continued to struggle and believed that he had  to earn the love of God. Amy finally broke after years and years of suffering in silence.

Amy had enough and told him that she was at the end of her rope. At the therapist’s office she said, “If Joe was not going to change, she could not stay with him.” She had finally let him go. She was making changes in her life and he was stagnant. When Amy first started her recovery journey, her therapist said to her that letting Joe go would be the hardest thing she would ever have to do. Amy confirmed that by stating, “It was like going through fire. But once I let him go, there was freedom.” Joe decided that he needed to do something different. Because Amy was leaving him in the dust.

Joe started to throw his recovery into high gear and get serious about his recovery. He stumbled across a video called, “The Shift” by Wayne Dyer. He then was hooked on Wayne Dyer books. He got another book from him and listened to it while he was pruning roses. Joe never was the gardener. Joe spent several weeks listening to the book, “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life.” By Wayne Dyer. He connected with God in the most beautiful way. Joe finally opened his heart to God. Joe felt His love so profoundly, so completely, where in that moment God told him that He accepted Joe completely and wholly. And three plus decades of shame and guilt melted away from him.

Joe knew that there was nothing that he could do to take away the love that Heavenly Father felt for Joe. Joe was not the same person after that. It changed his concept of God. Joe knew that God was not there to judge him. He was there with love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness. He did not know what to do with that. Joe’s faith was shaken. When the shame washed away, so did the compulsion of the addiction. Joe was changed. 

Joe was hungry for more and he stumbled across Eckhart Tolle. He just knew God loved him unconditionally. Joe also read the book, “The Untethered Soul”. The last chapter asks the question, “What if God was not judgment? What if He was Love? What if we stayed in that moment?” Joe was on fire. Amy noticed that change and his fire. Amy, also noticed that her trauma was coming out with a vengeance! 

Amy remembers a time when she was sobbing uncontrollably in the closet and could not stop. Joe was beside himself because he couldn’t help her. He just continued to reassure her that he can handle it. And he did. Amy eventually began trusting Joe that he had changed. She was able to get help through therapy. Joe and Amy are constantly learning more and more about who God really is. They have the following motto for their family. “Your Worth Is Set. Everything Else is Just an Experience.”  

They end the podcast with the song, “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music. This emulates exactly what Joe and Amy feel about who God is and what he means to them. If this story resonates with you please feel free to share it with those who you think could benefit from it. We here at Unashamed Unafraid are extremely grateful for people like Joe and Amy Pierson for sharing their story with us. They are truly Outsiders! We love them and all of those who have supported this effort.