The Arithmetic of Recovery

There is an arithmetic to recovery that just doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen it many times in my eight years of attending 12-step groups, the Warrior Heart bootcamp, and any other meeting where people are sincerely trying to be better.

In each of these settings, people will come with their problems, share them as they feel moved to, and then leave with greater peace. And this doesn’t just happen when one or two people are weighed down and everyone else helps them, either. More often I’ve seen meetings where everyone arrived feeling down in the gutter, yet still everyone left feeling lifted. When I’ve seen that happen I’ve marveled at it, wondering which of us did the lifting if all of us were coming from below?

I guess it would make more sense to me if each person had the solution for someone else’s problem…but usually that isn’t the case either. Usually the sort of problems being shared aren’t the sort that one can just reach over and fix for someone else. Things like unyielding waves of shame, or deep marital problems, or a lifelong yearning for God; these are the sort of problems where all you can do is love, support, and commiserate.

So if nothing is getting “fixed,” how do we all end up feeling better? Where did the joy come from if none of us entered the meeting with it? It feels like we’re all getting something for nothing.

As I’ve thought about it, I’ve developed two theories as to what’s going on here. Personally, I think both are true.

Correct Posture

My first theory is that people are just made to share their burdens with one another, so we naturally feel better when we start doing it. This gives us the benefit of beginning something good, as well as the cessation of something bad.

When I first opened up my heart to tell a group all my secret shames and fears, I found that I actually didn’t even care how they reacted, I was just relieved to finally stop holding all of these things in. I realized that I was never meant to live in such secrecy. Doing so had twisted knots inside of me and just being honest released that tension all by itself. The love and compassion that came from my group was an extra bonus!

When I kept my problems to myself it was like trying to move forward while holding a great weight in an unnatural, hunched over position. When I shared my problems, even without receiving solutions, I felt like I was shifting into the upright, natural pose I was always meant to move in. It just felt right.

One in the Midst

Jesus taught his followers that “where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them,” (Matthew 18:20). He told them this when he was still present with them in the flesh, but it seems clear that he was pointing forward to the time after his crucifixion, instructing them on how they could summon him in spirit after he had gone.

Earlier I mentioned that I have seen group meetings where everyone arrived feeling low, yet everyone left with peace and lightness. Where did the burdens go and where did the peace come from? I believe the answer to both is the unseen Savior in the midst. I believe that Christ’s spirit is present in any group that gathers in his name, and where the attendees are there with sincerity of heart to become better men.

If five men come together, and each one feels negative, then normally that would create a compounding negativity:

-1 - 1 - 1 - 1 - 1 = -5

But if they gather in the name of Jesus, with sincerity of heart, then he is literally the X factor that can turn that equation positive:

-1 - 1 - 1 - 1 - 1 + X = +10

We can go to those meetings and throw all of our emotional debts into the pot, then draw from the reservoir of riches that Jesus imparts to each of us. That is the miracle and the arithmetic of group recovery!

By Abe, Writing Team