Dropping Back Into the Valley

Today and tomorrow are a stark re-entry to “normal” life for about 120 men who have been in the cooler, high-altitude mountains of northern Arizona at a men’s bootcamp. Keeping the spiritual high can be extremely challenging while resuming work, reentering a home that may be under attack, or finding a frazzled wife who has been single-parenting for several days. As I reflect on this experience, I have a few thoughts and experiences to share.

Having attended several camps, one temptation is to come home and do a full download to your family. This can be challenging because it is hard to translate three days of actions into words without the experiential immersion. I have learned to jump in and help, give my wife a break, and wait until she is in a relaxed state before sharing the insights gained. Also, I’ve found it is best to start slowly with what I learned and what new insights were gained - focusing most on the renewed connection to my Jesus Savior and to my band of brothers.

For me, the greatest takeaway is how to pray with self-surrender to seek a deep connection to God and to get my worth and acceptance from God, and only God. Only after that can I approach others in an attitude of love and strength, to give rather than trying to take.

James, in one of his presentations, reminded me what it looks like to do this in a deep, two-way prayer. I first approach my God in reverence and thanks. I pour my heart out to what I am feeling. I ask Him specifically what I need and what it looks like. “God, I am feeling vulnerable and misunderstood. Please show up for me, help me see myself as You see me. I am tempted to seek validation from others, let me feel your love for me.”

When I feel safe in my identity, I can then approach others in strength.

A second take-away for me is the living experience I’ve had of seeing beauty rise from ashes. Beginning three years ago, we had a significant life threatening disease begin to manifest symptoms in our family. It was a time of terror, frustration, fear, exhaustion, and turmoil. Looking back, it is easier to see the hand of God in our lives and how He delivered us.

For me personally, I would wake up each morning with my stress level at a 9.5 out of 10 and it wouldn’t take much to get to the 10 and descend into a valley of anxiety and desperation. I had good friends who would piece me back together each morning and night, and I constantly relied upon prayer to get through each hour. While it was a time of terror, I also learned how to give it all to God as the weight was too much for any other option.

Fast forward a few years, and while the medical condition remains, new medicine and treatment have our family living a fairly normal day to day existence. This week - by no coincidence - I met a man who is deep in that all-too-familiar valley. As we prayed with him, and he collapsed into us and sobbed, I could feel and be present with his emotions that were a reminder of where I have been. Now, though, I’m out the other side, have hope, and was able to share that with him in a deep and empathetic way beyond a mere surface, “don’t worry, it will be okay.” And so I finally begin to understand the lyrics “you give beauty from ashes.”

So, men, have grace for the situation you are dropping into. Thanks for sharing your hearts and allowing me to share mine. But keep the experiences real and alive. Refer to the notes you took to relive the spiritual experiences and promises of change you want to make.

And keep reaching out, being vulnerable, and praying for each other. That is my commitment as well. God bless.

By Pete, Writing Team