Let Them and Letting God

Popular podcaster, mental health advocate, and author Mel Robbins has shared the advice that when we are getting wound up about not being included by someone else, or we want to control someone in a situation, that the fastest, happiest path is to instead “let them” do/be/act as they intend.

As a father of seven, I had to “let go” a lot after raising my oldest four children, and my younger three seem a lot less anxious and a lot more confident so far. I don’t have conclusive evidence that it works, but I do have a lot of anecdotal evidence and hope that it will.

In Step 4, we take a personal inventory of impactful and traumatic events in our life, we examine what part we had to play - if any - in what occurred. My first few go arounds were admittedly very traumatic. But later passes with more experienced sponsors became empowering.

I accepted where I couldn’t have done anything different given the set of circumstances and experiences. And then I let go of it and gave it to God. In a sense I “let them” and left things in the past where they belong.

One act of surrendering to God is letting others be. To accept the things we cannot change but to work to change the things we can.

I’m challenging myself and inviting you to examine stressful situations and feelings of exclusion and let others do as they may without letting it get under your skin.

AA Big Book page 86:

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision.

We relax and take it easy.

We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

By Pete, Writing Team

It's time to Fall in Love Again

I am related to an amazing woman. She gives and gives and serves and serves until there is nothing left. If you need something, she is on it. She puts others' needs first, always.

However … when someone pays her a compliment, she recoils and downplays her contribution.

A wise man once told me, “If I give you a $1 compliment, don’t give me back $2.50 in change.”

My refusal to give others the grace of heartfelt praise of me arises from a deeper decay of self-worth.

However … when someone pays her a compliment, she recoils and downplays her contribution.

I pray she can fall in love.

I pray she can fall in love with herself.

I can relate to those needs because they have been a huge part of my story. My refusal to give others the grace of heartfelt praise of me arises from a deeper decay of self-worth.

By God’s grace, I was put into a pilot class my freshman year called “Principles of Inner Victory.” The semester requirement was to listen to many hours of the greats - Wayne Dyer, Zig Ziglar, Dale Carnige, Tony Robbins, and many others.

Over and over and over again, the message was delivered - “you've got this. Everything you need comes from within.” And I’ve since learned this is because God created me and blessed me with His power.

It would take a few more decades to believe I could be good enough and a lot of work to let go of shame and to uncover the godliness in my DNA out there by ABBA, Papa, King of the Universe, my Heavenly Dad who is so full of Love that He IS LOVE.

My professor, David A. Christensen had a second homework assignment requiring us to develop a QLA - quiet love affair - with ourselves.

I was required to write the letters “QLA” on a sticky note and place it on my bathroom mirror and stare at it and into my own eyes, and recite each morning that I am worth loving.

It seemed so odd. So self-aggrandizing. So self-promoting.

But I can’t truly love anyone if I don’t love myself. Christ’s greatest commandment is to love. Love God and - love others AS I Love Myself.

I’ve intentionally skipped over addressing my first paragraph until this point. I couldn’t have healthy boundaries with others until I started loving myself. My lack of boundaries was seeking acceptance from others, then overextending myself, feeling resentful, failing to complete commitments, giving up, and starting all over again.

I challenge you to fall more deeply in love with yourself - acknowledging the goodness God has poured into you!

When you get a compliment, praise God and thank Him that you are in a place to bless others. And respond to the person with a simple, “Thank you for that. I love you.”

By Pete, Writing Team

Never Too Late, Never Too Early

I was reading the message from last week, and just as Ty was resonating with Liam’s experience, I was resonating with Ty’s. I, too, was an LDS missionary who experienced the disappointment of relapse a little while after returning from my mission. It would be another 6 years of trying and failing on my own before I would finally reach out for help and get into recovery.

A week ago, in my recovery group, the question was posed, “what advice would you give to your eighteen-year-old self if you could talk to him for a minute.” Immediately what came to my mind was, “Please stop trying to do this on your own! There are some incredible therapies, spiritual retreats, and recovery groups out there. These are places where you can be completely honest, and the people there won’t show you the hateful rejection that you’re expecting. They’ll empathize, love, and encourage you. Please, reach out now!”

I know that I’m not the only person who feels this way, either. I’ve spoken with hundreds of men walking their own paths of recovery. I have never heard someone say, “Gee, I wish I had started recovery later in life.” What I have heard, however, is, “I sure wish I had started recovery sooner.” It is one of the defining regrets that is so common in these circles.

I do think there has been a cultural shift, that sees more and more young men willing to confess and seek help sooner. In the groups that I have attended, I have seen young men who are still teenagers or are fresh back from their mission. Young men who are still in the dating scene, and being honest with their potential future wives about the challenges that they face. I see them being honest in the times that I was still telling lies, and I’m so proud of them having the courage that I didn’t find until much later. Of course, their lives will still have their fair share of problems, but there is a lot of pain and regret down the road that they’re circumventing by what they’re doing today.

I don’t mean for this message to be discouraging to those of us that have lived through that pain and regret, though. There can be a danger for the long-time addict to think that it’s too late for him. To think that he’s lived a lie for too long, and missed out on too many good experiences, and too many opportunities that are never coming back. I could see myself asking, what’s the point of upending life and unleashing hell if all the rewards for it are behind me? If I was young, then the pain of recovery could be made up for with all the years of improved peace, but why start now if I’ll never get past those initial growing pains?

It’s an understandable feeling, but it is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of what recovery is all about. Sure, life could have been better if I’d entered recovery earlier, but that would have only been a side benefit. That isn’t the real reason for getting into recovery. The real reason for getting into recovery is simply this: to regain the soul.

A freed soul is timeless. It does not matter whether you claim it when you’re eighteen years old or eighty. It is its own reward, the greatest reward that one can ever have in life. All the regrets I have in not entering recovery earlier are swallowed up in the joy of at least being myself today. Even if I was “too late” for some of the side benefits of youthful recovery, I am perfectly content with just the benefit of feeling like a real Son of God again.

So, my message to one and to all, to both young and old, is that you must not delay any longer. Get into recovery today. Get into a fellowship of broken souls that are healing together. Stop trying to white-knuckle and go-it-alone. Shine a light on your shame, get in a group, and walk the path of shared recovery. It is a hard road, and you will be grateful for all the companionship you can have along the way. The companionship of you, your newfound friends, and your soul.

By Abe, Writing Team