Miracle on Miracles - The Accumulative Power of Small Increments

What would it take to make a major difference in your life?

Recently I thought winning the mega millions lottery would do it. But then I studied it out. There’s a very high probability of divorce, death, kids getting on drugs, kidnap and ransom, unwanted solicitations from anyone who finds out you won the jackpot, family envy and estrangement, survivor’s guilt, depression, and suicide among other things … so it takes an immense amount of luck to win it and even more to enjoy it and not have it ruin your life. At least, that is what the known statistics point to. Of course, the optimist in me said, “yeah, but God, let me give it a go …”

With the lottery out of the picture, I decided to leave the addictive fixation on something-for-nothing and instead dive into my relationship with God who only gives good gifts, and who uses trials and tribulation to tutor, teach, and improve me. 

Three years ago at my first bootcamp, I sat on the scenic Utah mountains with a dusting of snow, looking at the cold pond reflecting the sky, and seeing the Park City valley below. I was talking to God about Adventure and He assured me big things were coming and that big things have already come into my life. I just needed to open my eyes and look around. Be more cognizant and thankful. 

OpenAI. (2024). ChatGPT [Large language model]. https://chatgpt.com

I had written down several very specific goals that cold fall morning and what success would look like. Three years later, this very morning as I sat eating a free breakfast (they had a spin-and-win when I went to buy my breakfast ticket at the casino a few miles from my house), I realized God was showing off. I don’t have my journal in front of me, but as I recall what I wrote, I see little checks and “in progress” indicators in my mind’s eye next to each of those things I wrote down so long ago. 

Which brings me to the title of this blog and one of my favorite songs of late: “Million Little Miracles” by Elevation Worship and Maverick City Music. 

“I've got some blessings that I don't deserve. I've got some scars, but that's how you learn. It's nothing short of a miracle I'm here

I think it over and it doesn't add up, I know it comes from above. I've got miracles on miracles, A million little miracles.”

When I see how the miracles in my life have occurred, very few were instant Big Bang events. Instead, I can connect the dots to a guy I met in an online 12-Step meeting many years ago, who invited me to a boot camp where I met my AZ Band of Brothers and the UU Crew, who invited me to contribute to this blog. The first thing in my boot camp notebook was to start writing about recovery in a public forum. 

I’ve also connected with so many other great men, one of whom I invited to a bootcamp, and who got me a job after I was recently laid off. The day after I was laid off, I was sitting in this exact chair, at the same table, and full of anxiety and fear over how to pay bills. I trusted in God but couldn’t see past the current minute let alone hour or day. Now I sit here and am amazed at the miracles in my life and the lives of those I know. 

The morning I got my new job I had another song pop up on my Spotify radio after Miracles: “New Things Coming” followed by “Always on Time,” both by Elevation. I get a new adventure - and it was exactly on time. Praise Jesus! 

I have many, many more strings like that I can share. I’d love to hear yours in the comments below. 

If you feel you are drowning in a sea of deep water, and you have a storm surrounding you, suffocating you with the water as you are dragged under, I can promise Christ is right there. All you have to do is reach up and grasp. Christ walks on water in the storm. 

Also, reach out to those around you. Be willing to dive in and do the 12-step work of identifying past traumatic events, what you could and could not control, make amends, and begin a life of peace. A good therapist and an army of your own band of bruthas or sistas will get you out of the storm and into shelter, steadily pointed back to the Glory of God and redeeming Blood of Christ. 

I’m thankful for the “miracles on miracles” in my life and I praise Jesus for His Grace, truth, sacrifice, and my free breakfast.

Overcoming the Alone-ment

My heart aches for those who are struggling with isolation. Trapped in despair and feeling that you are all alone in your struggles is a terrible place to be. I speak from much experience. My stubborn refusal to feel worthy of the love of God and others has brought me great sadness.

I am currently in an unplanned career transition - I was recently laid off from my job. I’ve been through this twice before. The two previous times were filled with despair, frustration, anxiety, and depression that I thought would crush me completely.

Now, as I’m going through it again, I have the PTSD of past fears resurfacing, but they don’t last very long. I no longer have a daily binge of acting out in various addictive behaviors and that helps, but what makes ALL the difference is that I’m also not trying to do it alone.

A friend shared this term - Alonement - from a guest on the Leading Saints podcast. It is the opposite of Christ’s Atonement where God sacrificed everything in His power to save me. The Alonement is shacked with the chains of Hell, self loathing, suffocating solitude. It states that I am nothing and so I’m not worth being loved.

I connected with this term because it illustrates my past. But it is not a part of my present and I don’t plan to let it play any role in my future.

This time as I’m going through deja vu, people are reaching out to me. The many hours I have invested in others is paying dividends. I never put forward the effort with any expectation of a return, but what a great return it is.

In Graham Cooke’s The Inheritance, he states (speaking in the language of God),

“And you may love Me back with the love that I give you.
You may love Me back outrageously with the outrageous love that I bestow upon you.
And know this, you can only love Me as much as you love yourself.”

The greatest of commandments are to love God and to love others as we love ourselves. And I’ve only been able to love myself as I’ve learned to let go of the ”gods of this world” and embrace my Eternal Father who sees me as His little kid, and loves me 100% as I am right now.

As I accept that, I am able to love others with the same love. And my life is that much better for it all.

By Pete, Writing Team

Regaining Myself

I know that there are many reasons to not come clean about one's addiction. Ever since I was a teenager, I would regularly feel the twinge of my conscience telling me that I needed to make a confession, but I never listened to it. It was just too terrifying, had too many ramifications, and would brand me with too many labels. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I kept the double-life going all the way through dating and the first five years of my marriage. As the years went by, I developed more nuanced justifications for concealing the truth. I knew that my wife looked up to me, and I told myself that it would be irresponsible to hurt her by letting her know of my betrayal. I considered the callings that I had in my church, and told myself that making a confession would mean losing those opportunities to serve others. And what if there were legal ramifications to my sins that compromised my ability to be a father to my son? “So you see,” I said to myself, “silently bearing the burden of what you’ve done and letting everyone else remain in blissful ignorance is the noble thing to do.”

What absolute, manipulative, self-serving, BS!

This wasn’t about other people, it was about me. I didn’t want to jeopardize my marriage. I didn’t want to lose my social status. I didn’t want to pay the price for my wrongs. I might have dressed my selfishness as concern for others, but it was selfishness all the same.

Thankfully, one day I managed to break out of that state of denial and justification. Exactly how is a story for another time, but the end result was that I finally told my wife, my church leaders, a therapist, and my family what was really going on. And when I did, I found something that I hadn’t even realized I was missing.

Myself.

You cannot live a lie without losing yourself. That’s just the way it works. And in all my years of telling lies I had lost my soul so gradually and imperceptibly that I didn’t even realize it had happened. Because I was always wearing a mask, life happened to the mask and not to me.

But then, from the very first moment that I made my confession, the mask came off and light and air rushed back onto my real face and I definitely felt that! It felt like my soul was being restored. Yes, now there was a great deal more stress and drama in my life, but it was all happening directly to me, not to the mask, and that was all that mattered.

In all my years of fear, I had been keenly aware of all the bad things that might happen to me if I told the truth, but I had never accounted for the good. If I were to travel back in time to talk with my past self when I was still unsure about coming clean I would say, “you’re right, you might lose your family, your status, your church, but none of those will be as bitter as you think because you’ll also get your authentic self back, and that is sweet enough to make up for all the rest.”

Jesus asked, “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26). He is suggesting that no reward is worth the loss of a soul. I know now that this is true, because I’ve experienced the happy opposite of it.

What does a man really lack, even if he loses the whole world, but regains his own soul?

By Abe, Writing Team