The Chore Chart

My earliest memories include standing on a stool at the kitchen sink helping my mom wash dishes. The warm water, the bubbles, and the special time with Mom were pure joy and one of my favorite things to do. Then one day, Mom hung a chart on the refrigerator. It was a chore chart showing which day of the week each family member was responsible for doing the dishes. From that point on, doing the dishes became an annoying assignment.

As I grew up, I remember wanting to be a good boy. I wanted to embody all the qualities of the Sunday School songs we sang at church. I wanted to earn all the scouting badges. I wanted to be happy and to help other people be happy. And then, people began to tell me that being all those good things was more than something to aspire to - they were requirements. If I failed, I’d be considered bad, unworthy—and I might even end up in jail or, worse, hell. My desire to be a good boy was put on a chore chart. Gradually, my desire to be good was transformed into just another annoying assignment.

As annoying as it was, I continued trying to be good through the next several decades. The results were mixed. I pushed myself to meet expectations but was often dragged down by my flaws. I wore the mask of a good person while concealing the weight of some sizable failures.

I was in my 40s before things really started to change. I remember watching the dystopian movie Divergent back in 2014. In the movie, everyone at age 16 is forced to choose one of five factions. Each faction is based on a single virtue like bravery or selflessness. Once a youth chooses a faction, they are committed for life and undergo rigorous training and testing on the faction’s virtue. As you'd expect from a dystopian movie, a resistance forms, and in a pivotal moment, a young rebel declares:

"I don't want to be just one thing! I want to be brave and selfless and intelligent and honest and kind!"

The words hit me like a bolt of lightning. As I watched that scene, something deep inside me resonated with a fierce "Me too!"

I believe my inner child surfaced in that movie theater—the one who had been buried under all the chore charts, all the "shoulds" and "should nots," and all the dire consequences of failure. That night, he surfaced with his little heart still wanting all the good things. I felt like shouting to the world:

"Forget your charts, your rules, your expectations, and your consequences! You ruined it and stole all the joy. Well, I'm not doing this for you anymore. I'm going after all the good things because I want it!"

When I was freed to pursue goodness because I wanted to—rather than because I was expected to—I rediscovered the joy I felt as a child, standing next to my mom at the kitchen sink. And in the pursuit of goodness, joy can make all the difference.

By Ty, Writing Team

Miracle on Miracles - The Accumulative Power of Small Increments

What would it take to make a major difference in your life?

Recently I thought winning the mega millions lottery would do it. But then I studied it out. There’s a very high probability of divorce, death, kids getting on drugs, kidnap and ransom, unwanted solicitations from anyone who finds out you won the jackpot, family envy and estrangement, survivor’s guilt, depression, and suicide among other things … so it takes an immense amount of luck to win it and even more to enjoy it and not have it ruin your life. At least, that is what the known statistics point to. Of course, the optimist in me said, “yeah, but God, let me give it a go …”

With the lottery out of the picture, I decided to leave the addictive fixation on something-for-nothing and instead dive into my relationship with God who only gives good gifts, and who uses trials and tribulation to tutor, teach, and improve me. 

Three years ago at my first bootcamp, I sat on the scenic Utah mountains with a dusting of snow, looking at the cold pond reflecting the sky, and seeing the Park City valley below. I was talking to God about Adventure and He assured me big things were coming and that big things have already come into my life. I just needed to open my eyes and look around. Be more cognizant and thankful. 

OpenAI. (2024). ChatGPT [Large language model]. https://chatgpt.com

I had written down several very specific goals that cold fall morning and what success would look like. Three years later, this very morning as I sat eating a free breakfast (they had a spin-and-win when I went to buy my breakfast ticket at the casino a few miles from my house), I realized God was showing off. I don’t have my journal in front of me, but as I recall what I wrote, I see little checks and “in progress” indicators in my mind’s eye next to each of those things I wrote down so long ago. 

Which brings me to the title of this blog and one of my favorite songs of late: “Million Little Miracles” by Elevation Worship and Maverick City Music. 

“I've got some blessings that I don't deserve. I've got some scars, but that's how you learn. It's nothing short of a miracle I'm here

I think it over and it doesn't add up, I know it comes from above. I've got miracles on miracles, A million little miracles.”

When I see how the miracles in my life have occurred, very few were instant Big Bang events. Instead, I can connect the dots to a guy I met in an online 12-Step meeting many years ago, who invited me to a boot camp where I met my AZ Band of Brothers and the UU Crew, who invited me to contribute to this blog. The first thing in my boot camp notebook was to start writing about recovery in a public forum. 

I’ve also connected with so many other great men, one of whom I invited to a bootcamp, and who got me a job after I was recently laid off. The day after I was laid off, I was sitting in this exact chair, at the same table, and full of anxiety and fear over how to pay bills. I trusted in God but couldn’t see past the current minute let alone hour or day. Now I sit here and am amazed at the miracles in my life and the lives of those I know. 

The morning I got my new job I had another song pop up on my Spotify radio after Miracles: “New Things Coming” followed by “Always on Time,” both by Elevation. I get a new adventure - and it was exactly on time. Praise Jesus! 

I have many, many more strings like that I can share. I’d love to hear yours in the comments below. 

If you feel you are drowning in a sea of deep water, and you have a storm surrounding you, suffocating you with the water as you are dragged under, I can promise Christ is right there. All you have to do is reach up and grasp. Christ walks on water in the storm. 

Also, reach out to those around you. Be willing to dive in and do the 12-step work of identifying past traumatic events, what you could and could not control, make amends, and begin a life of peace. A good therapist and an army of your own band of bruthas or sistas will get you out of the storm and into shelter, steadily pointed back to the Glory of God and redeeming Blood of Christ. 

I’m thankful for the “miracles on miracles” in my life and I praise Jesus for His Grace, truth, sacrifice, and my free breakfast.

Overcoming the Alone-ment

My heart aches for those who are struggling with isolation. Trapped in despair and feeling that you are all alone in your struggles is a terrible place to be. I speak from much experience. My stubborn refusal to feel worthy of the love of God and others has brought me great sadness.

I am currently in an unplanned career transition - I was recently laid off from my job. I’ve been through this twice before. The two previous times were filled with despair, frustration, anxiety, and depression that I thought would crush me completely.

Now, as I’m going through it again, I have the PTSD of past fears resurfacing, but they don’t last very long. I no longer have a daily binge of acting out in various addictive behaviors and that helps, but what makes ALL the difference is that I’m also not trying to do it alone.

A friend shared this term - Alonement - from a guest on the Leading Saints podcast. It is the opposite of Christ’s Atonement where God sacrificed everything in His power to save me. The Alonement is shacked with the chains of Hell, self loathing, suffocating solitude. It states that I am nothing and so I’m not worth being loved.

I connected with this term because it illustrates my past. But it is not a part of my present and I don’t plan to let it play any role in my future.

This time as I’m going through deja vu, people are reaching out to me. The many hours I have invested in others is paying dividends. I never put forward the effort with any expectation of a return, but what a great return it is.

In Graham Cooke’s The Inheritance, he states (speaking in the language of God),

“And you may love Me back with the love that I give you.
You may love Me back outrageously with the outrageous love that I bestow upon you.
And know this, you can only love Me as much as you love yourself.”

The greatest of commandments are to love God and to love others as we love ourselves. And I’ve only been able to love myself as I’ve learned to let go of the ”gods of this world” and embrace my Eternal Father who sees me as His little kid, and loves me 100% as I am right now.

As I accept that, I am able to love others with the same love. And my life is that much better for it all.

By Pete, Writing Team