God is eager to display His work

I'm trying to reduce my sugar intake and recently dealt with some strong cravings. I realized it wasn't really a sweet snack that I craved; I just wanted to feel better. On top of the usual stresses of life, I was feeling anxious about something at work. I felt lousy and knew that a snack would mask it.

This reminded me of times when I've turned to porn for similar reasons. In those cases, it wasn't the porn itself that drew me; it was the need to forget my pain. It's well known that porn use is linked to pain avoidance, acting as a very effective salve or medication—at least until it inevitably morphs into additional pain. Regardless of the motivation, with unwanted porn use, pain is likely at the heart of the problem. This is why honesty, counseling and connection are at the heart of the solution.

The question of why a loving God allows us to experience pain has been asked for ages. C. S. Lewis explores it in his book The Problem of Pain, suggesting that pain is beneficial as it shapes us into our best selves and can draw us closer to God. And there’s also the idea that pain works to highlight and amplify joy by drawing a contrast - allowing us to appreciate the good in our lives because we also experience the opposite. These answers are good and have comforted me over the years.

But then, the morning after the strong sugar cravings, I was reading in the Bible where Jesus’ disciples asked him why a man had been born blind, and Jesus responded, "that the works of God might be displayed in him" (John 9:1-3). As I read, I felt a surge of hope and a shift in perspective. I sensed that Jesus might have been eager in that moment to display His Father's work and bring the blind man's long wait and pain to an end. More importantly, I felt that some of my pain was due for a display of God’s work.

I realized that God wants to display his work, and He will do it. Some of my pain may have to linger so that I can grow from it or so that the contrast can amplify my joy. But some of my pain is simply waiting for the day God will display his work in me, and that day is closer than I thought. In the end, all my suffering will be swallowed up in the love of God.

This was a message of “be patient just a little longer and keep up your faith.” But the surge of hope and anticipation it brought lightens the load of my pain and gives me strength to continue with patience. Maybe patience and excited anticipation is the kind of faith required of me to be healed of much of my pain.

To break the cycle of dealing with pain in ultimately harmful ways, I believe one or both of two things need to happen: find a healthy way to cope with the pain or eliminate it altogether. I'm discovering that patient faith in God, combined with a sense of excited anticipation, may address both. When I truly “let go and let God,” as the saying goes, peace replaces my pain. This peace can be an even more effective balm than sugar or porn. And, ultimately, it’s God who will heal my pain.

By Ty, Writing Team

The Next Chapter in Recovery

“Almost everything we think we know about addiction is wrong … The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection.” - ‘Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong’ - Johann Hari TED Talk June 2015

I’ve had an interesting turn of events in my life over the past few years. After a lot of time in 12 Step and trying to make connections in Group, I was always feeling a bit off the mark. I knew I was doing good things, but didn’t yet feel I was doing great or even the best things.

So much of my connection was surrounding recovery work. And certainly it was very comforting and encouraging and enjoyable. But it left me wanting more.

Then a good friend invited me to a bootcamp. I went to a few and in my mind I understood that God loved me, but there were still shame tracks playing constantly in my heart.

I had an even deeper breakthrough at Advanced Bootcamp, I revisited the molestation and abuse inflicted on me by peers at an early age and realized I didn’t really believe that I could be a good person. I didn’t really believe that I was good. That I could be loved.

And so I began the process of letting the negativity go.

A very big part of this is my connection with you and with others. At the same Advanced Bootcamp where I revisited my deepest and darkest hours of hurt and pain, others shared similar experiences. I began to realize that I am not alone. I began to have hope.

I can directly measure recovery by connection. I may be able to go one week without a good connection but the second week is a dumpster fire.

When I am connected to others around me, I begin to see the face of God staring back at me, assuring me I am enough. That I am lovable. That the traumas in my life are to mold and instruct me and give me the ability to understand the pains and traumas of others. To be there for others when they are down.

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” -Brené Brown

There is a reason Christ chose at least twelve men and also many others to follow Him. He needed a wide variety of personalities for opportunities to experience the humanness inherited by His mother on the hard days. He also knew they would need each other when He ascended to the Father.

What did Christ give as the greatest commandment when pressed to single it down to one? LOVE – Love God, love self and love others.

For me to accept this took time and a lot of courage. It still does. I couldn’t wait around for someone else to do it for me. I started to invite men to go to lunch, see a movie. I started monthly Breakfast Burritos with Bros.

It was veeeeery slow at first. Veeeery slow. People didn’t return texts. They had to cancel or just didn’t show up. It hurt. But I kept at it. And it has made ALL the difference in my life.

I also am learning to let it all hang out there. I am open and vulnerable and honest about the mistakes and pains of my past. It was embarrassing at first and I’ve had to learn what is the right time and place by some trial and error. But man is it a much better life!

I am learning that I can only love others, including God, as much as I am willing to let Christ remove my pains, mistrust, and be able to feel lovable myself.

I challenge you to get out there and find your band of brothers and sisters. It will make life so much more enjoyable!

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By Pete, Writing Team