The Next Chapter in Recovery
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“Almost everything we think we know about addiction is wrong … The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection.” - ‘Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong’ - Johann Hari TED Talk June 2015
I’ve had an interesting turn of events in my life over the past few years. After a lot of time in 12 Step and trying to make connections in Group, I was always feeling a bit off the mark. I knew I was doing good things, but didn’t yet feel I was doing great or even the best things.
So much of my connection was surrounding recovery work. And certainly it was very comforting and encouraging and enjoyable. But it left me wanting more.
Then a good friend invited me to a bootcamp. I went to a few and in my mind I understood that God loved me, but there were still shame tracks playing constantly in my heart.
I had an even deeper breakthrough at Advanced Bootcamp, I revisited the molestation and abuse inflicted on me by peers at an early age and realized I didn’t really believe that I could be a good person. I didn’t really believe that I was good. That I could be loved.
And so I began the process of letting the negativity go.
A very big part of this is my connection with you and with others. At the same Advanced Bootcamp where I revisited my deepest and darkest hours of hurt and pain, others shared similar experiences. I began to realize that I am not alone. I began to have hope.
I can directly measure recovery by connection. I may be able to go one week without a good connection but the second week is a dumpster fire.
When I am connected to others around me, I begin to see the face of God staring back at me, assuring me I am enough. That I am lovable. That the traumas in my life are to mold and instruct me and give me the ability to understand the pains and traumas of others. To be there for others when they are down.
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” -Brené Brown
There is a reason Christ chose at least twelve men and also many others to follow Him. He needed a wide variety of personalities for opportunities to experience the humanness inherited by His mother on the hard days. He also knew they would need each other when He ascended to the Father.
What did Christ give as the greatest commandment when pressed to single it down to one? LOVE – Love God, love self and love others.
For me to accept this took time and a lot of courage. It still does. I couldn’t wait around for someone else to do it for me. I started to invite men to go to lunch, see a movie. I started monthly Breakfast Burritos with Bros.
It was veeeeery slow at first. Veeeery slow. People didn’t return texts. They had to cancel or just didn’t show up. It hurt. But I kept at it. And it has made ALL the difference in my life.
I also am learning to let it all hang out there. I am open and vulnerable and honest about the mistakes and pains of my past. It was embarrassing at first and I’ve had to learn what is the right time and place by some trial and error. But man is it a much better life!
I am learning that I can only love others, including God, as much as I am willing to let Christ remove my pains, mistrust, and be able to feel lovable myself.
I challenge you to get out there and find your band of brothers and sisters. It will make life so much more enjoyable!
By Pete, Writing Team