I miss you God

My youngest daughter starts her senior year in high school soon. She had been housesitting for friends today and called me this evening for a ride home. She and I have a relationship that has allowed us to connect in honest, authentic ways off and on over the last few years. So, on my way over, I imagined that I would ask her how her heart was and admit that I have been feeling melancholy lately.

I thought I might tell her about the summer between my own Junior and Senior years. My best friend Bill and I had been inseparable for a couple of years by then. We ran in the same circle of friends, enjoyed some of the same pastimes and sports, and knew how to raise a little hell without getting into too much trouble.

Earlier in the summer, he had gone to another state to spend a few months helping on his uncle’s farm. I think it must have been one of the first times I really missed anyone because I remember the feeling being unfamiliar and deeply uncomfortable. One night, when the two of us would otherwise have been camping or out deflating our friend’s tires, I walked down the street, sat on the curb in front of a church, and had a good cry alone in the dark. I remember the pastor came out and sat with me for a few minutes and asked if I was okay. I still don’t know why he was at the church so late at night, but I felt a little better after I assured him I was okay, and he disappeared back into the church.

What I would have told my daughter about that summer and that feeling is that it was very much like I’ve been feeling lately. Whether God has pulled away from me or I from him doesn’t bother me too much right now. What matters is that He’s been my best friend for a couple of years now, and He’s been gone for a few months, and I miss him terribly. Just like I was that night in front of the church, I’m okay. But I’m hurting and can only look forward to a reunion that I hope comes sooner rather than later.

I would have also told her that this isn’t uncommon. I’ve been here before. And I seem to remember very godly people talking or writing about times when they felt God’s absence, even feelings of being forsaken. Jesus himself exclaimed, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” in his final hours on the cross.

Tonight, my daughter had other things that needed to be talked about, so I didn’t get a chance to tell her all this, but one of these days I’ll tell her and encourage her to be patient because He always shows back up. I have a feeling it’ll help ease the pain sometime in the future when she feels similar.

I miss you, God. I can’t wait to feel you near again.

By Ty, Writing Team