Episode #39 with Thomas 2.0

Thomas’s story is a miraculous journey from egotistical denial, to desperate despair, and finally, to healthy healing. It is for the man that has been hiding for most of his life and for the woman who senses that addiction has robbed her of her husband’s love. It’s a story of how one couple went from total disconnection to daily emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and physical connection. It’s the story of “Dark to Light: My Recovery from Pornography and Lust” (for his full story, check out his book on Amazon), and the story of how “Thomas 2.0” came to be.

The story begins with Thomas being recruited at the age of eight to sing in the opera as a soprano. This isn’t the backdrop that you’d expect, which proves that pornography isn’t picky about how and where it chooses its victims. He discovered pornography backstage, and what started as a curiosity quickly transformed into an addiction. By age twelve Thomas was living a highly sexualized youth and began acting out with real people. Having incredible parents who spoke very openly about sexuality only propelled him further into shame.

Thomas managed to gain some sobriety while dating his wife, but only a few months of marriage went by before he was completely enveloped by his addiction again. His wife had health problems early on that affected their intimacy, so he turned to pornography and emotional affairs to cope. Thomas’s relationship with his wife was not the only one that suffered - through his pride and narcissistic tendencies he convinced himself that God would “beat him with a few stripes, then usher him in.” He thought he could continue to live out his little secret without consequence until one day the house of cards came crashing down. 

It was on a spring day in March 2016 that Thomas’s wife, who was still unaware of her husband’s addiction, decided that she had had enough. She came to Thomas and said, “I just don’t feel like you love me, so I just don’t think we’re going to make it.” Those words really pricked Thomas’s heart and for the first time he got a small glimpse into the pain he had caused his wife. In that moment he felt strongly that he had to tell his wife everything or lose her forever. So, he did, and that’s when healing began.

Thomas had previously thought that he’d rather get a divorce or die before giving a complete disclosure to his wife. While it wasn’t easy, Thomas is so grateful that his wife knows what she knows because “she’s [his] best friend in recovery, support person, accountability partner, she’s everything.” Their lives are so much better than they were in addiction and they experience deep emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy. Thomas is now able to fight for his wife’s heart every day through service and love.

By diligently working the twelve steps, Thomas eventually experienced what he describes in his own words: “the polarity of my heart just flipped and I had no more desire to masturbate or look at pornography.” The peace in his life is so much better than the confusion, frustration, and anger that he felt before. For all those listening to or reading his story he wants you to know that recovery is possible. If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from listening, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.