Steve and Jason sit down with an amazing man named Matt. Matt was on EP 18: Intro to 12 Step & ARP Meetings and explained a little bit of his story with the group. This time, he gets to talk all about his story. He opens up about his rocky childhood due to misguided views on what real connection should be. He also talks about how his parents were not safe. He talks about his relationships now and what has changed. He finishes by talking about what recovery means to him and his family.
Matt was born to two very broken parents. He realized why very quickly. Even though he is the oldest child alive. He has four more brothers and sisters that came before him, but died before he was born. He did not have real connection so he sought out friendships that led him to pornography and masturbation through magazines and movies. This was the escape that he thought he needed because of his parents' absence in the home. He also found “love” through his girlfriend and she ended up getting pregnant. They married quickly and were divorced even faster.
“I did not have a love foundation at home. So I looked forward to being with my girlfriend.”
Matt then talked about how he was in major custody battles for his daughter. His ex-wife was making up terrible things about him to make him give up custody of their daughter. His daughter would end up being his inspiration for working so hard and trying hard in school. His daughter became sort of mascot for him and his friends during college. She became their inspiration too. Matt then started working at Disney and met the girl of his dreams.
Matt and his dream girl started hanging out. He introduced her to his daughter and instantly they clicked. She was exactly who he needed because she was very positive and Matt’s life had been so negative up to this point. Matt married the girl and they were in heaven, but Matt fell back into the trap of pornography due to changing circumstances. His wife caught him and he confessed. Nothing of consequence really happened so he started it back up again pretty quick.
Matt then took it to the next level and started having an emotional affair with a classmate. Matt continued down this path for quite a while and soon found himself having an affair with his boss and another woman. When his wife found out about it, she told him that she would fight this battle with him. Matt was excommunicated from his church and still lived at home. His wife was fighting for his heart. Little did she know, but they were losing the battle. Because there was no real consequences he continued down the path of pornography and masturbation that led to having another affair. After that, his wife kicked him out and it finally hit him what he had done to this courageous and amazing woman.
Matt’s wife said that she was done being hurt by him and he would never hurt her again. She continued to recover on her own and so did Matt. She would make him come and take care of the kids and he got an impression that he should serve her without expectations. So he did. He cleaned the entire house while she would leave and then when she came home he slipped out the front door. Even though Matt continued to do this for months, his wife still wanted a divorce and that is where they were headed. Then one day she asked him why he wanted to be married to her. After his wife read an email from Matt, they started to repair their marriage. Matt saw her willingness to surrender and trust that Heavenly Father would be there for her and it inspired him to do the same. Matt decided to surrender and that is when the real recovery started.
Matt explained that he is not perfect and never will be on earth. Matt has had a lot of help through therapy, ARP, journaling, working out. Since Matt has done these things, he has realized that we all have been sent to earth to fail. Knowing that helps him understand and trust that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. Matt continues to encourage men to step out and surrender because it is the only way to true redemption.
Matt’s story is raw and very real and we at Unashamed Unafraid are deeply grateful that he entrusted us with his story. Please share this with someone you know who could benefit from this post. Please listen to our podcast and follow us on Instagram and Facebook @UnashamedUnafraid.
