Ep 41: Chris and Marilyn's Story
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Steve and James sit down with Chris and Marilyn. Chris and Marilyn grew up together in Santa Monica, California as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As they phrase it, they were both “box checkers” - they went to church, served a mission, got married in the temple, had kids, and served in church callings. At age eleven Chris experienced two things that would dramatically change the trajectory of their lives for the next fifty years: He was sexually abused by his assistant scoutmaster and was introduced to pornography.
Chris
At the height of his addiction, Chris was going through the motions, but was completely “past feeling”. On one hand he was attending 12-step meetings, seeing a therapist, attending church every week, holding callings, being a father and grandfather; on the other he was viewing pornography daily, paying large sums of money for physical sex, and checking the boxes to make others happy. He knew he was going to hell but he didn’t care. He lived a fake life in church, work, and with his kids and grandkids. Inside, he was living in a dark hole.
Marilyn
After being married for some time, Marilyn began questioning what a “normal” marriage was supposed to look like. She found happiness in being wrapped up with being a mother to her kids, but also felt that her marriage lacked the closeness that she’d always wanted. She knew that something was wrong with Chris as he withdrew intimately and emotionally and even began encouraging her to watch pornographic material with him. This all caused Marilyn to feel that she was not good enough for Chris and that she was disappointing Heavenly Father for putting up with it. She didn’t know what to do, so she did nothing and things kept getting worse.
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Chris
In Chris’s numbness and denial, he often fantasized about running away from the life that he hated. In December of 2016, he did just that. He left work at lunchtime, withdrew $40,000 from his savings account, bought a burner phone, packed a bag, and drove to Vegas. He checked into a horrible hotel on Fremont street and spent the night at strip clubs and with prostitutes. That next morning Chris woke up so physically ill that he thought he was going to die. After hearing a voice telling him to “call Marilyn” three times, he called his wife in tears and said “I’m sick and I need help. Can you come pick me up?”
Marilyn
On December 10, 2016, Marilyn had called Chris’s work twice to confirm that he wasn’t there. By 11:30pm she knew something was really wrong, so she checked their bank accounts and realized that four $10,000 withdrawals had been made earlier that day. She assumed that Chris was being extorted for money so she called the cops and got her kids involved. That next morning she received a call from Chris who explained between sobs that he was sick and needed help. Marilyn quickly came to the heartwrenching realization that Chris’s addiction had become physical and that he needed serious help.
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Chris
Chris finally came to the realization of his wrongs after being checked into the Desert Solace in-patient rehab facility in St. George, Utah. He was only a shell of a man at that point and wondered how he had gotten to where he was. He knew that rehab was his chance to heal, or he would lose everything he had. In his own words, Chris says, “I learned more in 90 days about myself, about who I really am, my relationship with God and my Savior, and my relationship with other people than in my previous 62 years.
Marilyn
After dropping Chris off at rehab, Marilyn began to process the emotional trauma of discovering the depth of her husband’s addiction. Would she stay with him or not? After all, they had been married 41 years and she knew she couldn’t throw that away until she had exhausted everything she could do. Marilyn pleaded with Heavenly Father for help and was supported by an army of people who wanted to help. During the time Chris was in rehab she not only saw him transform before her eyes, but learned a lot about herself as well.
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What do you know about God and Christ now that you didn’t know when you were sitting in that hotel in Fremont?
Chris
“First and foremost, I know he loves me very much. Unconditionally. No matter what. My experience is he loves me no matter what. I literally tried to run away from his love. He stopped me. Why? Because he loves me. I get to choose how I want to live in that love. I get to choose if I return that love. My ability to choose every single day is the most important thing I can have. Sometimes that’s all we can do - BELIEVE. If we believe and live like we believe, the gospel is so much simpler than we make it out to be.”
Marilyn
“I never delved into know a lot about God. I didn’t know who else to turn to so I asked Him “Are you really there?” I stopped praying so formally. I prayed like I was talking to my Father. He is there. He does answer prayers. I felt a calm and peace that I had never felt before. I knew he’d be there for me and wrap his arms around me. Did he really understand what I was going through? I came to understand that he does. I learned that he loves me no matter what. Whatever you’ve done, it’s okay. It’s not so bad that he won’t love you.”
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Recovery Resources:
Chris Epson’s Blog: https://recovery-light-life.blogspot.com/
Desert Solace: Pornography & Sex Addiction Treatment
Website: https://desertsolace.com/
Email: info@desertsolace.com
David Thompson CSAT, LMFT, EMDR, EFT,
Website: https://www.addorecovery.com/therapists/david-thompson
Email: info@addorecovery.com
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