Ep 36: Seth & Nicole’s Story

Seth and Nicole’s Story of Grace

Seth and Nicole’s story is a story for the downtrodden and brokenhearted. Seth came from a home where it was frowned upon to talk about anatomy and clearly sex was off the table. Seth remembers that he told his dad about a time at school when a kid called his penis a weenie. Seth’s dad completely shamed him for talking about that with him. Seth learned that his dad was not a safe person to talk to about “inappropriate” topics. So instead of reaching out to someone else, Seth decided to reach inward.

Seth continued to look for validation through people and did not get anywhere with that. He was bullied and often rejected by his peers. He often felt inadequate about himself and that pushed him into seeking more validation. One night while he was at a sleepover with a friend, his friend showed him porn. He was hooked. He continued this practice up until his mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS). 

While Seth was on his mission, he felt like God had abandoned him. He was extremely sick on his mission. He was in and out of hospitals and finally was sent to California to finish out his mission. He was driven to calling 1-900 numbers and masturbating on his mission. He came home from his mission and decided to go to Ricks College (now BYU Idaho). Seth began to have relationships (hookups) with girls in college and he was unable to get validation from anywhere else in his opinion. He was disfellowshipped from his church and then he met Nicole after transferring to Idaho State University (ISU). 

Nicole grew up attending the LDS church as well. She has a typical LDS experience where she had a plan and it just did not work out the way she wanted it to. She always was self-conscious of her body because she felt like she was a little overweight. So she felt inadequate. Her plans continued to change and she decided to go on a mission for her church as well. She came home from her mission and met Seth at ISU. 

They decided to get married and Seth told her the abridged version of his actions and she, like a lot of women, did not fully understand the addiction. Within six months of them being married Seth was acting out. He would hookup with women he met on the internet. Nicole got pregnant shortly after they were married and they ended up losing that baby girl. 

Seth blamed himself for Nicole losing the baby. So, his shame was so bad that he talked to her and came forward about some of the “hookups” that were happening. He went and talked with his eclesiastical leader and was right back out there doing the same things again shortly after that confessional. They ended up getting pregnant again and had a baby girl. Seth came forward again and told her that he was having affairs and even sought out a prostitute. 

Nicole was distraught and did not know what to do. Seth was disfellowshipped again and was trying to do better. He then began to have a long-term relationship with a co-worker. This lasted six years where they would have oral sex but never “real” sex. Nicole was still in the dark about this. One day Seth found the website unashamedunafraid.com. 

Seth began to feel the shame that he had been trying to numb for years. This was back in 2016. He would listen to the recordings of Steven and Chris and Autumn over and over. One day while Nicole was at work and Seth was home, he prayed to God saying, “Please help me find a way to be honest with Nicole.” He was tired of the lies and coverups. He would get his chance two weeks later. 

Even though Nicole did not know, she felt prompted by the spirit saying, “You need to learn more about the Atonement.” She began her spiritual journey and began healing even before she found out about Seth’s lies. 

Seth finally received his chance to come clean. He was in an interview for a position in the church and finally confessed to someone that he probably should not take the position. He then explained everything to Nicole because he truly wanted to be free. Since February 2019, Seth has found healing, love and grace from his Savior Jesus Christ. He started his real recovery journey and has not looked back. Him and Nicole are both so grateful for the Savior and his healing powers of the atonement. They both are full of love and grace for each other. 

The final note they left was their favorite song that has meant the world to them is the song “Scars,” by I Am They. Please have a listen. We at Unashamed Unafraid are so thankful that people are willing to share their stories. If these stories resonate with you, or you know someone who might benefit from them, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.